Saga Purgatory of the Plow--Clone Wars Tale of a Failed Youngling

Salutations Everyone,

I was hoping someone would give me some ideas on a story I have been working on. Does it catch your attention, etc. Any help you can give to me would be appreciated.

Regards:

Chapter One: Purgatory of the Plow

A brave youngling are you, but a Jedi Knight you shall not be.

The Jedi Council?s chambers had never felt so cold as they did that day. The usually warm tambour of Yoda?s voice echoed through the hallowed room with piercing chill. The eyes of the other masters peered right through him as if he were a ghost. To them, where a 12-year-old boy had stood, was now as empty as his crushed dreams.
These words haunted young Shar Vallom for six standard years. He relives that moment every night when he cannot sleep and as he rolls around in his bed. It is the first thing he thinks of every day, every moment. This service, among the Agricultural Corps, is his penance. It is his punishment. The serenity that he learned in the Jedi Temple hardly kept him comfort in the fields and jungles of the Outer Rim. The quiet of mediation only screams out how he had failed his family and more importantly, himself. This, he thought, was his purgatory of the plow.

The Agricultural Corps was thought to be a noble calling. The Corps was where the students that were not to be Padawans went to continue service to the Republic. Sure, the Corps got to travel to different planets, but they were the ones that did not spark the imagination. They certainly did not fill any travel brochures with the images of desolation he had seen. Moving from place to place, helping those hurt by war or famine get back on their feet. It was hard work. Dirty. Sweaty. Smelly. Nobility had nothing to do with it, he thought, a strong back and soap were all you needed for this task.
He could have returned home, but where was home? The only home he knew was the bustling capital of Coruscant with its overpowering buildings and its parade of vehicles in the sky. He hardly remembered his parents, save for the fact that their small hut was by a river where he would splash in the afternoon sun. He could close his eyes and see his lovely mother, with her brown skin and black hair. The way she held him was comforting. He also remembered that his home world of Cha?Jornee was a planet of large farms and in his mind?s eye: small dreams.

But returning to Cha?Jornee was no option. For as much as he shunned this life of servitude, he also knew that maybe, one day, he could walk out from behind the plow to find Kit Fisto or Mace Windu waiting to take him away on an important mission for the Republic. After all, a war had been raging now for over one standard year and Jedi were in short supply. Then his purgatory would be over, and he would fulfill his destiny.

Or perhaps, he would just continue to dream of what might have been, working behind this outdated plow.

?Shar, what are you doing?? exclaimed a girl running down a hill, nearly tripping down the tilled hillside. She was dressed in typical Corps clothing, brown pants, beige long-sleeved shirt and brown vest with Rancor leather boots. ?You are going to be in big trouble with Master Vuray.?

The plow he was using, which was 30 years past its prime, had broken its turbo tiller and while he had pondered his existence in the galaxy, he had went nearly one-quarter of a kilometer without so much as tickling the soil beneath his feet.

?Oh just wonderful!? Shar screamed as he kicked the plow.

Some force user he was. A Jedi was supposed to feel the spacecraft or his swoop bike and everything around it. A Jedi was supposed to be one with his equipment. Again, he kicked the plow while another one of Yoda?s lessons crept into his head.

As a youngling, he would take his small lightsaber and duel with a device he called the roundy-roundy: a small floating metal ball that would zap you ever so gently if your blade neglected to block its shot. After having been zapped too many times in one session, he threw his lightsaber across the room and screamed that

 

Very original and a great story so far. Interesting characters and an intriguing plot developing. I look forward to seeing more.

 

Hey Bale,

Thanks for the feedback, I am developing the second part of the story now and hopefully within a week, I can have the second part done.

 

One more time, I would love some feedback!

 

You've got some great characters here. Keep writing and I promise you that you'll soon have a bevy of regular readers following along behind you!



Very well done!

 

Cool! I never really thought about what would happen disgraced younglings, but thats really a nifty idea. Can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter...