Saga Ring of Fire - The Final Story in Anakin's Saga - Author's final replies and goodbyes 2/23

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by geo3, Jan 18, 2005.

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  1. stacysatrip Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Nov 20, 2002
    star 4
    It's amazing how smoothly you're transitioning Anakin into Vader. You nail it, every time. You convey that Anakin is perhaps annoyed with the Captain's questioning, but at least he doesn't choke him....

    And I love the visual of Anakin staring out into space.

    Wonderful job!
  2. Reihla Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 17, 2002
    star 3
    The Captain fought the urge to step backward. He had to tilt his head slightly upward because the Chancellor?s young Emissary was a head taller than he was.

    I've always believed that, had Anakin not been disfigured, he still would've fallen from grace to the same ultimate end - Darth Vader. Instead of shiny, black mechanical intimidation it would have been a regal darkness that people feared. To quote Tolkien: "beautiful and terrible..." I can so easily see shades of that in him here.

    The Captain couldn?t tear his eyes away from Skywalker?s. They were mesmerizing.

    Yup, just like that! Watch the pretty cobra...

  3. qingauk Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2002
    star 4
    oh.. wow what a chapter.. Anakin is being very serious and so Vader-like.. he does not have the patience to wait.. go for it .. cool,,very cool..
  4. DarthLothi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2001
    star 4
    I can really start to see Vader in Anakin now. Not the Vader the Sith Lord, but Vader the (quasi) military commander. Anakin's demand for what seems like insignificant information echoes Vader's obsession with every probe droid report in ESB.

    ?Are you as bored as I am??

    ?Not much glory in that, is there, Captain??

    ?Our mission is to protect. How better to do that than to take pre-emptive action??


    Those three lines seem to sum up Anakin's philosophy on life in a nutshell. ;)





  5. Darth_Lex Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 17, 2002
    star 4
    Wow the posts are flying! :p

    Great conversation between Obi-Wan and Mace. Two wise Jedi Masters. So unlike Anakin, aren't they? :( I liked the metaphor of the dying Star Destroyer as a means for the two of them to mull over all the challenges they face - in the Order and the Republic, and with Anakin... Things are not looking up right now. [face_worried]

    Great to see V'ar again. :D Although I'm not sure I'd wish that fate on anyone. [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    And then Anakin and the Captain... What great interactions. I particularly enjoyed Anakin's dismissiveness toward the clearly more experienced officer. :D And of course he is just as open-minded in his interpretation of naval mandates as he was of Jedi ones. ;)

    Looking forward to more. :cool:
  6. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    I agree, flawless job of transforming Anakin into Vader!
  7. Lando_Plenty Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 13, 2002
    star 2
    I was thinking that the Captain was in serious trouble when he started towards Anakin like that..thankfully he's still in one piece. Sure, Anakin isn't at that stage yet, but you wrote it in such a way..like the Captain makes one wrong move and he will upset a very fine balance. Poor Ozzel-like people have always found Anakin/Vader to be way more than they'd bargained for. Anyway, the unnamed Captain and his precarious relationship with Anakin are certainly keeping me interested :)
  8. bobilll Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    star 4
    I agree that Anakin wanting so badly to take action is sooo like it. It's strange, but he sorta learns a semblance of patience in the later episodes... the big flaw that drives him to the dark side anyways. Also amused at the captain being "The Captain". Adds to the namelessness of all the stormtroopers... after all, Skywalker didn't bother to ask the names either.
  9. geo3 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 29, 2002
    star 4
    Early replies today because I happen to have good internet access this morning. I really enjoyed reading all of your comments! Thank you!

    DarthBreezy The Captain is a brave or foolish man... I've noticed that The Captain doesn't seem to have a name... interesting... muse this over, we shall...

    No, he doesn?t seem to have a name, does he?

    GunraysLawyer hmm...Breezy... an interesting quandry. He's too old to be Piett and Veers wasn't navy... Hmm...there's always Ozzel....

    If he even has a name?

    Jazz_Skywalker And here I was hoping Anakin would find it in him to choke the captain. Oh, well, there's always the rest of the story for that!

    HeeHee! Too soon. Too soon. I thought Anakin was quite relaxed about the whole thing, actually.

    MissPadme Already there's tension between Anakin and the officer corps. It doesn't get much better in the future .

    It had to start somewhere.

    Mr_Black Watch yourself, Anakin. The line separating trademark from cliche' is thin indeed.

    Oh, my dear, treading that line is the great fun of fan fiction. I don?t know about you, but I?m disappointed if someone, somewhere in a story doesn?t say, ?I have a bad feeling about this??

    Knowledge can be the most potent weapon on any battlefield. Even the setting of a space opera. Too bad Anakin can be so thorough in some areas and so lax or faulty in others. This artfully shows his character; bursts of world-weary street smarts mixed with the brashness and impulsivity of youth. Similar to the axiom of an old man living in a child's body.

    Exactly so. This is familiar territory to, say, a mother of sons, like your world-weary humble author?

    Things are not as they seem, Captain. There is always something lurking beneath the obvious. Always.

    HeeHee! Always.

    Never let it be said that Anakin is an apt administrator.

    I think Darth_Lex once referred succinctly to Vader?s distinctive ?officer promotion methodology?

    ? Unless you're deftly applying coercion to manipulate and exploit the weaknesses or character flaws of someone in a position of relative power to fulfill your implicitly justified whims. If the latter is true, and you aren't simply a glory-hound...where, or from whom, did you learn such techniques, dear Anakin?

    Again, your humble author submits that such people often seem to spring full blown, with their uncanny instincts for and ability to coerce and manipulate others fully formed from birth?

    Huzzah for multi-faceted fiction.

    *bows*

    Some will bicker about free will, and this and that, but is not the current intergalactic disintegration on all recognizant levels the byproduct of a series of poor choices that were invariably inter-connected, thus having shared consequences?

    Right on! *punches air*

    I'm a champion of free will, and freedom of expression, obviously, but it's a foregone conclusion that if the fundamental basis for decisions and consequences is the right to choose, there will undoubtedly be some exceedingly poor and/or stupid choices made. It comes with the territory.

    *Second air punch. A very enthusiastic one*

    I suppose that I'm intrigued by the nature of evil, and how intricate, complex, and complicated it can be. Really, the name Mr_Black is a dead giveaway, no?

    Oh, you and me both, Mr_Black. Few things fascinate me more.

    Well, Geo...you've suspended my absurdity. For the moment. This section really made me deeply contemplate several issues that are vitally relevant and important to me. Thanks for that.

    *Raises eyebrow* That didn?t take long! You?re welcome.

    stacysatrip It's amazing how smoothly you're transitioning Anakin into Vader. You nail it, every time. You convey that Anakin is perhaps annoyed with the Captain's questioning, but at least he doesn't choke him....

    Thanks! As I said above, it?s WAAAAAY too early for the whole choking thing yet. Actually, I thought Ana
  10. LadyZ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2000
    star 4
    Well, I can imagine that older soldiers have difficulty to accept him- he is so young... (in a way the infamous Vader-suit helped him a lot- it was easy to see that he is not to be crossed)

    "...not within the parameters of our mission..." the captain should learn that lines like this are not really working with Skywalker :)

    Great posts!! :D
  11. GunraysLawyer Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2003
    star 4
    Well, all I can say is that I feel very unintellectual in my replies to this thread of late.

    Will have to do something about that....
  12. Indra Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2003
    star 3
    Sorry for not replying for a while.
    This becomes more and more interesting. I can't wait to know how all those scenes will fit together.
    The scene with Padme was wonderful, how she attempts to get away from everything for a while through Anakin and how her two handmaidens always keep watch and have obviously been very busy without her knowing. It will be interesting to see where that part of the story is going and what they will be able to accomplish.

    I loved the scene with Obi-Wan. His behaviour is exactly as I would expect it from someone who is faced every day with war and destruction. His weariness of spirit is very well portrayed and I liked the touch of humour you put into it through Mace. The young Knight will definitely be good for him.

    I know that your story really deserves more than this short review and I hope to give it from now on, now that I'm caught up. This is still brilliant and I'm eagerly awaiting more.
  13. nya Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2001
    star 2
    Wow! I loved the scene with the Jedi. You always write dialogue so well. It is natural and never forced. It's great to see that you've set up some interesting (and possibly humorous?) future conflict between Obi and V'ar. I can't wait to see where you take this.

    Loved this: The Captain couldn?t tear his eyes away from Skywalker?s. They were mesmerizing.

    Yes, Anakin has this rather uncanny ability to capture the undivided attention of people around him :p
  14. geo3 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 29, 2002
    star 4
    More comments! How delightful.

    LadyZ Well, I can imagine that older soldiers have difficulty to accept him- he is so young... (in a way the infamous Vader-suit helped him a lot- it was easy to see that he is not to be crossed) "...not within the parameters of our mission..." the captain should learn that lines like this are not really working with Skywalker?

    In many ways I hate to see Anakin go down this path. But what is, is?

    Great posts!!

    Thanks!

    GunraysLawyer all I can say is that I feel very unintellectual in my replies to this thread of late. Will have to do something about that....

    Not at all, my friend. Only if the spirit moves you.

    Indra Sorry for not replying for a while.

    I?m happy to hear from you any time.

    This becomes more and more interesting. I can't wait to know how all those scenes will fit together.

    Hopefully they will, in time, as the threads converge.

    The scene with Padmé was wonderful, how she attempts to get away from everything for a while through Anakin and how her two handmaidens always keep watch and have obviously been very busy without her knowing. It will be interesting to see where that part of the story is going and what they will be able to accomplish.

    Thank you!

    I loved the scene with Obi-Wan. His behaviour is exactly as I would expect it from someone who is faced every day with war and destruction. His weariness of spirit is very well portrayed and I liked the touch of humour you put into it through Mace. The young Knight will definitely be good for him.

    When I put myself in Obi?s shoes at this point in the saga, I felt immediately that he needed support from someone? even if he doesn?t think so.

    And thank you for your continued support for the story!

    NyaWow! I loved the scene with the Jedi. You always write dialogue so well. It is natural and never forced. It's great to see that you've set up some interesting (and possibly humorous?) future conflict between Obi and V'ar. I can't wait to see where you take this.

    Thank you!

    Yes, Anakin has this rather uncanny ability to capture the undivided attention of people around him?

    HeeHee! Like certain nameless fanfic authors who spend WAY too much time writing stories about him...


    The last part of Chapter 3 will be posted soon.

  15. geo3 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 29, 2002
    star 4
    Chapter 3 (Part III)


    Since the devastation brought to the ranks of the Jedi by the war, briefings at the Old Folks? Home had taken on a completely different character. Gone were the days, it seemed, when Obi-Wan had to be prepared to stand in the center of the Council Chamber for any length of time, fielding questions and challenges from the full Council. The full Council was rarely in session now. More often than not, Council members were away on missions, usually commanding substantial battle groups in some of the fiercest fighting of the war.

    Jedi are keepers of the peace, not soldiers.

    The halls and gathering rooms of the Temple were noticeably emptier. Two of the larger refectories had been closed down indefinitely. Obi-Wan had spent little time in the Temple recently, but it did seem to him that people tended to cluster together a bit more, and to treat one another with the discreet yet deeply sensitive consideration of those who had shared unspeakable losses.

    Today?s briefing was a case in point. Obi-Wan had arrived from the Ph?zom sector only hours before. With the small, obscure planetary system of Ph?zom finally secured for the Republic after a protracted battle, General Kenobi had turned over command of the Star Destroyer Liberator to his military Second as quickly as protocol allowed. Refusing all but the most minimal military escort, he then had returned to Coruscant, to the Temple, and to being merely Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Knight?

    ?only to be invited, immediately upon his return, into Master Yoda?s private Chambers for a so-called ?informal? briefing before the Council.

    When he entered Master Yoda?s Chambers, clutching his worn traveling cloak around an exhausted body that was still riddled with the lingering emotional debris of battle, there were so few in the room that Obi-Wan had to force himself to remember that this was a briefing, and not a social occasion. He had been given a comfortable place to sit, and Master Yoda had served him tea with his own hands while the remaining Council members spoke quietly among themselves. Mace Windu, Adi Gallia, and Plo Koon had been the only other Council Members in attendance. That was one-third of the full Council. Acutely aware that these few listened and questioned and thought and deliberated for all, Obi-Wan had made an enormous effort to be as detailed in his reports as possible.

    They had been patient with him. He had much to report, and much of it was difficult to speak about.

    It had taken Obi-Wan a long time to describe the sudden and surprising uprising of the small, obscure world of Ph?zom. The Liberator and its battle group had just rendezvoused with a Corellian vessel to bring on board the guest Obi-Wan whom hadn?t wanted to entertain. Not after what he?d been through on Alderaan... No sooner had they entered Bothan space than the Liberator and its group had been confronted by the oddest and most unpredictable armada that Obi-wan ever had seen. Four big Confederation of Independent States droid ships, the known enemy, had arrived flanked by what looked like local military, militia, and an assortment of private vessels of all types and descriptions. The leader, whose voice had hailed the Liberator group and regaled all comm. channels with a speech vowing the right of free states in a democratic republic to secede without reprisal, seemed to be Ph?zom.

    ?It was a passionate political plea,? Obi-Wan had told the Council members thoughtfully. ?What he said made sense. And what followed made it clear that, while they had Dooku?s military and political backing, the cause was their own. I do not believe that Dooku browbeat the Ph?zom into secession. They were passionate about their cause. People do not fight like that ?? here he had paused and taken a slow breath to steady himself??people do not fight like that unless they believe everything they hold dear is at stake.?

    The room had filled with unspoken sympathy.

    ?They did not insist on fighting. They wanted only to be left in peace.?
  16. stacysatrip Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Nov 20, 2002
    star 4
    Interesting post. It's nice to see Obi-Wan let go a bit. However, it's interesting (unless I am misreading) that the Jedi continue to vow allegience to the Republic while trying to stoke the embers of a revolt against Palpatine. Maybe to them, that's the most loyal thing they could do....
  17. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Wonderful! What more can I say. The fascinating transformation of a gifted young Jedi into an evil Sith is being handled flawlessly. I love your interpretation of Obi-Wan, a very accurate one I believe!

    No, as far as Mace and most of the other Council members were concerned, Kenobi?s most important mission had barely even begun. The first faint embers of the conspiracy against Palpatine mustn?t be allowed to die out. The Jedi Council?s formal sanction of Organa?s actions wasn?t enough ? it was essential that the five remaining renegade Senators receive assistance in every way possible. Obi-Wan Kenobi had been the first person whom Amidala of Naboo had approached with her evidence of Palpatine?s corruption, even before she had turned to Organa for help. Since then, Kenobi had won Organa?s confidence by delivering Y?lia to safety, and he was likely to be the only one who could mediate successfully between Organa and the difficult Corellian?

    Obi-Wan was, without a doubt, the key to the fragile conspiracy?s continued survival.



    Go, Obi! =D= Sorry, just had to do that!
  18. Jazz_Skywalker Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2002
    star 4
    ?My compassion is worthless unless I am allowed to act on it!? Obi-Wan had yelled.

    I like how your Obi-Wan wears his emotions on his sleeve more than in Episodes One and Two. It makes him seem more human.

    Awesome chapter!

    JS
  19. GunraysLawyer Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2003
    star 4
    This is just so interesting as it covers something that I am dealing with from a different perspective in an on-going series of works (TAF, SL&B, et al.). That is the fact that the Jedi are totally unprepared psychologically for warfare.

    Now, before anyone jumps down my throat sayong that no sentinent being is so prepared, that's not the argument that I am making. Rather, I am noting that the Jedi are really not Philosophically flexible enough to have 'true-believing' memembrs of the Order survive unbroken by what they are being asked to do. Kenobi's outburst could be viewed as either the first stages of a breakdown or as venting to prevent one.

    As I had a charcaer say a longtime ago now, "War is glory and cruelty, and you can't remove either from it."

    I ask you, how well could the Jedi deal with that observation given a legitimate aversion to cruelty and an issue with the 'craving' of Glory and adventure.

    More thoughts, later....
  20. nya Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2001
    star 2
    Obi Wan totally rocks in this part! He is absolutely right. The Jedi are fighting for a cause that is becoming shadier and shadier. The Republic appears more like an imperial occupation force than one that is trying to restore peace and justice. That's something that the canon Padme begins to realize as well. His rant is completely understandable. If only the Jedi would wake up.
  21. LadyZ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2000
    star 4
    Great post! Great characterization!

    I'm sorry, I can't help disliking the "oh, so great" Jedi Council... even if they can project some real sympathy from time to time. Just sitting there... giving so called wise decisions... always very clever "afterwards"...

    Ok, I'll try not to turn to the Dark Side...

    :)
  22. qingauk Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2002
    star 4
    Good description of the pain Obi is feeling and the torn situation of supporting both sides. I have a bad feeling about this!
  23. MissPadme Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 9, 1998
    star 4
    Obi-Wan can't take it no more! Poor guy, Force love him. But he is right and I concur that the Jedi just cannot reconcile their ways and ideals with being full-time warriors.

    --MissPadme
  24. Reihla Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 17, 2002
    star 3
    Obi-Wan's conflicts are exactly the ones a Jedi should feel at all they are being made to do. But then, I think the entire order should be having a very hard time with the whole war concept. Interesting and believable image - Obi-Wan commanding a Star Destroyer. You're right. He definitely would have been relieved to pass it along and get back to the Temple.

  25. pregnantpadme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2004
    star 4
    Not lurking!

    Loving the story!

    In fact...do you have a word doc of the two stories that lead up to this? I read them ages ago (maybe...last summer?) on FF.N and I'd love to race through them again. I remember enjoying them immensely.

    Anyway! This is great and I'm so excited to see where Anakin and Padme end up.

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