Beyond - Legends The Aftermath Trilogy - Drama/Angst (Luke S.) Complete

I won't deny it...these next few entries have to do with dealing with the after affects of Mara's death..The good thing is there are only three...the bad thing alot of them are tearjerkers and depressing so bear with me if you can.​

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I'm going to try NOT to post these sadder elements all at once because I know how sad the are..once in awhile when I was writing I just got into that mood...but I think you'll find all my L/M fluff fics balance it out. ​

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These three posts have one thing in common that I've noticed...see if you can pick it out​

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Title: Grief​

Timeframe: POST Sacrifice​

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, it is the property of LFL and Disney​

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Luke sat in the solitary confines of his apartment in the Jedi Temple.

He wasn't sure why he was there; everything surrounding him reminded him of his beloved Mara.
Here he could almost smell her faint perfume, could see her as she gracefully danced; hear her as she slept soundly in the bed next him.

A datapad and a half-drunk glass of water remained on the bedside stand on her side. Her favorite pair of boots were placed beside their bedroom door in an orderly fashion. On the vanity, in the far corner of the room, his wife's hair brush was laid. A keepsake box he'd given her on their tenth wedding anniversary, held various jewelry items and trinkets he'd also given to her over the years. ..

His throat locked up at the thought of her and he could feel this raw ache in his heart.

It felt as if someone had jammed a hand into his chest and had gripped his heart all the while twisting it. He felt like it was torn to shreds and could almost feel himself bleeding out as it tried to pump in its natural rhythm.

Almost as if he was dying. It felt like it anyhow, he had been deprived of the other half of his heart, the other half of soul, the other half of himself. Of course he felt like he did. His beloved wife was gone and she had taken that part of him with her.

He let out a wrenched sob, squeezing his hand into a tight fist. By now, he had screamed his throat raw in his anguish and his river of tears had dried out on him. Yet his grief continued on even without those tears, it continued to rip and tear at him and drain him.

War was never fair and the Force gave no explanation for its mysterious ways—but he couldn't for once accept the unfairness of the whole kriffin' scenario.

His wife was gone forever, and no explanation would be given that he would—or could—accept. He couldn't accept that his wife and been so cruelly wrenched from him. He wouldn't!

No, this was something no one could fix. A broken heart like his couldn't be mended so easily. He feared he would have to live with this for the rest of his life.

"You know what the worst part is, Mara…" He said bitterly. "If I had trusted you….none of this would have happened."

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Emerald, wow! Beautifully written because I could never write anything so angsty. But it is definitely true to the situation.

 

Healing Rift​

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"Ben, you're not to blame for what happened to your mother..." Luke assured, patting the fourteen year old on the back. "If anyone is to blame, it's me."​

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Ben sat forward; head hung low, arms resting on his thighs, with his hands dangling between his legs as tears choked his voice. His face was hidden by a cascade of red hair and shadow.​

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"But I kept it a secret from you...I was afraid of you." He admitted. "I always seemed to let you down; like I wasn't the child I was supposed to be."​

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"No, you weren't flawed…you're perfect as you are…Perhaps..." He paused. "I'm not the father I should have been. I forgot, in wanting a child so badly..." He smoothed Ben's hair. "…I forgot the trials of raising a Force-strong child—what it would take. I was overly confident…and became a little disheartened when you started to withdraw from the Force…and your mother and I.​

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"I didn't know how to deal with you…so the best I could do at the time was pass you onto your cousin. He seemed to know how to interact with you on that level, better than I. I was…determined not to push you, because I feared that would only drive you farther away from us. Now, I truly question myself."​

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"Dad..."​

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"No, Ben, let me speak." He sucked in a breath. "You see, even during the Dark Nest Crisis I was blind to what was happening to Jacen…I couldn't see how a child so wholesome, loving…who told stupid jokes and had love of creatures…could have changed so much. I was...in denial. And I can't help but think, that perhaps if I had accepted that Jacen was changing earlier on, that I did see what he was becoming recently…I could have prevented your mother's death…and your suffering…I've acted so wrong…these past fourteen years…So misguided—and not only myself, but I led the Jedi astray too."​

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"No, Dad, you're our leader. The Jedi trust you. They respect you." Ben shook his head. "I only wish I could have seen what they saw…but all I could see was this…person that people practically treated like a god…" He looked to the side. "Yours were…are big shoes to fill…It was like this pressure was weighing down on my shoulders daily…like the whole galaxy was watching my every movement…wondering if I was going to be like my father. What path will he choose.. That's what they all wondered, and some still are I bet."​

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"Ben, I never expected you to be like me. Yes, you have tremendous power…but you are still your own person."​

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"No, you did. You might not have been aware of it, but you did expect a lot out of me..."​

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Luke sighed. This was going nowhere.​

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"You were angry with me." Ben remarked.​

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"When?"​

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"When I joined the GAG, you were angry and disappointed."​

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"Because you weren't doing what a Jedi should. You had no business engaging in that kind of activity-and on live HoloNet."​

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"See, you're doing it."​

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Luke winced.​

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"I'm sorry," he said after a moment.​

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There was silence for awhile.​

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"I believe, if anyone is to blame for anything. It's me." Luke decided with finality. "I do believe I was not the person I should have been. Not the father, not the Master, maybe not even the husband." A sad look had entered his eyes.​

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"That alone should prove to the galaxy I'm no omnipotent being."​

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Ben looked on intently at his father, seeing the pain in his father's eyes and hearing it in his voice.​

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"If I had been a better husband, maybe your mother wouldn't have died." Luke shook his head. "I should have trusted her."​

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Ben stood up, not being able to take it anymore, and hollered, "Stop it, stop it, stop it! I can't stand to see you blame yourself for this!"​

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"And what's the alternative, Ben…let you go on assuming full blame…I haven't been the best father up till now…but I can do this much…I can admit when something is my fault."​

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"You shouldn't have to…take on the blame all by yourself…Mom said you were always doing that…shouldering the entire galaxy…acting like it was your responsibility." He sniffed. "Let someone help you…for once, Dad. Just once."​

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He shook his head.​

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"Yes, you can." He put a hand on his father's shoulder.​

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"Please..."​

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Luke took in his son's face and suddenly saw that of a child, staring at him with imploring eyes. His child, he thought. Yes, Ben had grown up considerably, but right now he was just a vulnerable boy who had just lost the only mother he'd ever had.​

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"You shouldn't crucify yourself over something that's not your fault." He searched Ben's eyes. "Ben….do you believe your mother died for nothing….That it was meaningless."​

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"Jacen's reasons were."​

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"What about her own reasons? She was trying to protect you; she chose to protect. Were they meaningless?"​

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"She shouldn't have had to die because of my stupidity." He snapped bitterly. "She shouldn't have had to die because I was too cowardly to face you."​

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Luke began quietly, "Ben…Son…life is often full of shouldn't haves and things we think are senseless." Tears choked his voice. "I believe your mother knew the extent of what she was doing….So her death could not have been in vain. She achieved her goal, in the end didn't she? When all is said and done, you are safe." He took a breath. "And that's all that mattered to both of us….that you were safe and healthy. You mother and I love you very much..."​

"Dad!" Ben cried out and practically dove into Luke's arms.​

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"Ben…"​

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Luke was momentarily stunned, he yearned to wrap his arms around his son; to comfort him, but wasn't entirely sure he should.​

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"Dad..." The boy wailed, crying into Luke's chest.​

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His son's plaintive cries were all the assurance he needed. He embraced Ben fully, pulling him further to his own warmth. "Shh. It's going to be all right, Ben." He promised as he stroked the boy's hair.​

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"No, it isn't!" Ben beat his father's should with his fist. His frustration was evident. "Mom's dead, she's dead, Dad, and she's not coming back!"​

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He could feel his heart cracking, ready to crumble, as his son's pained wails reached his ears.​

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Luke felt his own despair and grief well up, but pushed it down. He was not the only one grieving for his wife, Ben had also lost his mother—and right now, Ben's grief was more important than his own.​

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Why had this happened? Force why did you take her? Can't you see deep down inside he's still a child? He needs his mother; needs her guidance, her wisdom, and warmth, and the security of her love.​

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Bravo Such intense, lovely poignancy.

 

these were so sad yet so beautiful. I have gone through similar emotions, so I can say you captured Ben's emotions wonderfully.

 

Since There's only one more part to it and since its so short... I decided to post it already.

Jade_eyes, Briannakin: Thanks, I do try capture the feelings I think would be present at the time. Mara's death was a hard subject on them both..both of them blamed themselves for her death. Which is a little more painful when you think of it... I think feelings of actual grief and loss are hard to capture unless you've gone through it yourself, Bri, so I'm glad you think I did well on it.

Jade_eyes, Briannakin

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Ben leaned on the balcony outside of his parent's room, looking out over the cityscape. He sighed heavily and flicked another piece of gravel off the railing. Luke stood in the doorway, watching the boy until he felt the moments was proper.

"Dad, I know you're there." The young boy muttered.

His father cleared his throat. "Yes, I suppose you do." He walked forward to join Ben.

When his father came to stop beside him, Ben asked, "What is it?"

"Excuse me?"

"Dad…" He drew the title out. "You want something, I can feel it." Ben shifted his eyes in his father's direction. "Just say it."

Luke smiled. "I guess you know me pretty well."

His voice was upbeat. "I'd like to think so. I mean, I am your son right? Plus, someone's gotta watch your back now that Mom' ….gone." The sparkle faded from his eyes, and his face fell. "You're…" He faltered again. "…kind of hopeless without me." Ben was trying to make himself jovial, but Luke could see the inner hurt.

A lump formed in his throat"You needn't feel like you had to do that, Son."

"I don't mind."

"No, Ben. I'm the parent. I'm the one that should have been looking out for you; guiding you. And I failed in that respect." He put his hands on Ben's shoulder and turned the teen to him. "Ben, look at me."

The youth looked up, trying to hide the tears that were in his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

Ben went to open his mouth, but a quick shake of his father's head silenced him.

"I should have been there for you, Ben; through all of this. Not only the finding your mother, but having to deal with her death. You bore a great burden no child should, and you shouldn't have had to do that alone. I should have been there to comfort you. But I was so mired in my own grief that I didn't see the pain you were in, and for that reason I'm sorry, son.

"No," Ben said, tears suddenly in his eyes. "You're a good dad. You may not think too much of yourself right but you've always been a great dad to me. Mom was your wife; you had a right to be hurting. I understood that. I never resented you for it."

He took a breath. "And for the record, If I ever did anything wrong in my life or stupid or reckless, it was never because of you. You always did your best with me.
The best you knew how. You're a pretty astral person, Dad. You did put up with me. That's got to be worth something, right?" He gave a small grin.

Luke sank to the floor of the balcony.

"Dad?"

"You always did have your mother's candor."

He looked up into his son's crystal clear light blue eyes that now looked darker in the nighttime. Yes, he may have lost his wife, but he had part of Mara that would live on. He had their son.

And though his heart may have been broken, it wasn't gone entirely.

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That was just sweet. Thanks for sharing this with us!!

 

Such a sweet exchange. Bravo