Things I hate about everybody

Things I hate about everybody
by Billy Connolly

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the **** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". ******* right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the **** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the ******* floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it.
If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the ****?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever ******* does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, ********?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you ******* Mc******.

14. When you involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

EDIT: Just tidying-up your censorship

 

Billy Connoly is one of my all time favourite comedians there's just something about him that makes me laugh even before he's opened his mouth

 

My favourite of his is the "Casual vomit" sketch. A classic!

 

The masterbating/spider sketch is funny too!


EDIT:

 

Ahh. Comedy gold.

 

lol TK has a lot of good points there, i have to admit im guilty of a few of them.

I've got a few things to say as well:

15. People who look out the window and announce "its raining outside". **** ON A BIKE! THEY'RE RIGHT! But we already knew it was raining by standing next to you and looking at exactly the same landscape.

16. Pop idol and anything to do with it. Talentless manufactured pieces of....

17. People who milk jokes.

18. People who look at you and laugh when on the bus reading a star wars book. Lol at least i can read you ****ing drip.


/anger for today.

EDITED OUT FOUL LANGUAGE

 

Its raining

 

No its not!!!

 

The present RSA editing the previous RSA? This is an outrage

 

LOL i jus noticed that!!! will that cause a glitch in the matrix???

 

LOL i jus noticed that!!! will that cause a glitch in the matrix???



there's yr glitch