Saga Tour de Force - Chap. 5 "Iolana's Innocence" (Humor) *New Post!!*

Title: Tour de Force
Author: Miana Kenobi
Timeframe: Mostly Saga, sometimes bending into Beyond
Characters: Yoda, Palpatine, some canon characters and a lot of OCs
Genre: Humor
Keywords: Humor/Parody
Summary: Bored in the afterlife of the Force, Yoda and Palpatine play a "simple" board game. Palpatine's main weapon: an army of Mary Sues. Yoda's: Reality
Notes: This story is based off of The Game of the Gods by Limyaael on FF.N. The concept is used with her permission. I own nothing but the MSs and am not here to offend, only to have a little bit of fun.

Massive thanks to padawan lunetta and Sache8 for their help and ideas!

********

Tour de Force

Chapter 1: Let the Game Begin

---

"Your turn, it is."

A pair of thin blue eyebrows furrowed. Palpatine sank back into his chair, eyeing the handful of cards before him. He tried to appear as calm as he could; he could not let him emotions betray that he was anxious. His opponent had a long winning streak in the game; the former emperor had a right to be nervous.

He raised an eyebrow as he read one of the cards. Each had a face painted onto the small sheet, a few lines explaining their situation. In the middle of his hand, nestled between two painted brunette figures was the face of a young woman with blonde hair and sparkling green eyes. The corner of Palpatine's mouth curled up into a smile as he pulled the card free, smirking as he eyed his opponent.

The blue figure of Yoda sat patiently, half smiling as he waited for Palpatine to move. Between them, a large square board was spread out, covered with over fifty tiny checkered boxes. Yoda's side was completely empty, while Palpatine had a deck of cards spread before him.

"Running low on time, you are," Yoda reminded his opponent, a hint of pride in his voice. "Unless, unable to play, you think you are."

"I assure you, Master Yoda," Palpatine returned smugly, placing the card face-up on the board, "I am most ready to play."

Yoda eyed the card, a small smirk coming onto his face. "Begin, we will."

********

Ilia Chley crouched low behind a fallen tree, peering over it. The Trade Federation had just landed on her home planet of Naboo, their armies invading the woods and heading for Theed. Ilia had escaped just in time before the droid armies had filed past her home in the trees. She had trusted her knowledge of the woods around her to take her around their lines.

She heard footsteps, ducking down low again. She heard the voice of a Gungan, her eyes widening. She glanced over the tree once more, finding two men standing facing a tall Gungan. She did not recognize the two men, yet by the lightsabers in their hands, she knew they must have been Jedi.

She herself was a Jedi. Her parents were two very powerful Jedi who had died in a tragic speeder accident when she was young. She had trained herself how to use the Force, using what she remembered of her parents. Her mother's lightsaber had been salvaged from the wreckage, Ilia keeping it with her at all times.

Though she was only sixteen years old, she was already counted as one of the best swordsmen there was in the galaxy. Master Yoda had even come all the way from Coruscant to knight her himself, Ilia refusing his request that she be sent to Coruscant to be the Chancellor's private bodyguard and instead remaining on Naboo to ensure that the peace was kept.

Ilia gazed at the Jedi once more. The older one was doing most of the talking, while the younger one remained quiet. He was very cute; Ilia wondered if he had a girlfriend. She shifted her position, her weight crushing a large twig with a loud SNAP! She ducked down once more, listening to the Jedi.

"Do you hear that? That is the sound of a thousand terrible things..."

Ilia let out a small sigh of relief. They had not heard her, only the ominous rumble that was coming from across the woods. She

 

Good writing! I am not totally sure where you are going with this, but I look forward to the humor--and romance.

 

With an extra kick for speed, Ilia got only a few centimeters more before an Opee Sea Monster chomped her down in one bite.


Poor Ilia! This is an interesting set up so far, Miana! keep it up!

 

Just when I think it doesn't get any worse...*giggles* Mi-chan, this may be your most brilliant idea yet.

 

I'm still laughing at the thought of Yoda and Palpatine playing a board game.

And the Mary Sue having a crush on young Obi and getting eaten. Very fun.

 

LOL Perfect Mi! Excellent writing! Hehehehe Yoda and Palpy...*snort*

 

I loved it! Very unique concept and I can't wait for more.

 

Thanks for the reviews, guys! I wasn't sure how people were going to take this story.

MasterSareBabe - Thank you! LOL, I hope I am able to remedy that soon enough. And as for the "romance..." we'll see about that.

Eon-Wan - Thanks dude! Don't start feeling sorry for Ilia just yet.

Emmi - Thanks, babe!

Mom - Hehehe, thanks! Could you imagine them trying to play chess?

"Mate, check!"

Luney - Perfect Mi, eh? Well, I always knew I was... Thanks babe!

Jedi_Chani - Thank you! I'm hoping to try to get the next installment written soon. As in sometime today.

 

This promises to be an amusing story! I just knew that Mary Sues really were evil.

 

LOL, that they are, Padawan.

Anywhos, I started writing, but Darth Homework got in the way. Will try to finish it up when I can!

 

Chapter 2: Mallorie's Malady

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Yoda let out a small yawn, leaning back into his chair once more. "Pick, you must! Growing bored of waiting, I am!"

Palpatine mumbled a few curses beneath his breath, his eyes focused intently on the hand before him. With the death of the first Sue, he understood that he should try not to pick a younger Sue, yet they all looked about the same age. His eyes finally picked out a Sue who was older than the rest. He eyed her card, reading her statistics. A small smile crossed his lips as he pulled her out of the hand of cards, turning it face up onto the board.

"You're move," Palpatine said smugly.

***********

Mallorie Sen twisted a curl of her dark auburn hair around her finger. Her bright blue eyes peered pensively at the door of her holding cell. As one of the last few survivors of Alderaan, Mallorie knew that the Empire would hold her hostage. Yet who would be there now to pay the ransom was beyond her.

As a child, she had been kidnapped by Vader and tortured in hopes that she would give up the location of the Rebellion. Yet she knew she had to remain silent; her time would come when she could break free of her imperial cell and return to Alderaan to reclaim her place beside her father, Bail Organa, in his fight against the empire.

Yet now, there was no Alderaan to return home to. Mallorie shed bitter tears at the thought of her lost planet. She had been away from home for long that she could no longer remember what it looked like, yet she would never get a chance to see it again.

Commotion outside her holding cell snapped Mallorie from her mournful state. She heard shouting and blaster fire outside her cell. She ran to the door and pressed her ear to it. She could hear a man and a woman arguing, as well as the roar of some beast.

"...some rescue!" she heard the woman say. Her eyes went wide at the word. A rescue?! She began banging on the door with her fist, hoping someone would hear her. She knew that it was hopeless, for the metal door dampened all sound. Mallorie gave the door one last bang before she retreated to her bench.

Rebels were inside the Death Star: she knew he had to meet up with them and go fight the Empire. A small smile crossed her lips as she eyed the ceiling. It was as good as time as any to use her newly found escape route.

Standing on her bench, her fingers barely touched the air vent above. Jumping, she managed to push the covering off the vent. It fell to the ground with a clatter, Mallorie grinning. With another jump, she managed to grab onto the edge of the vent, slowly pulling herself up into the tight fit.

She crawled through the vent, looking at every possibility for an exit. Many led right back into prisoner cells, which was the last place she wanted to be. She finally found a vent that led to a hallway. Peering down through the crate, she saw that the hallway was deserted. Carefully pulling the crate off so it would not fall and make a noise, she slid out of the vent and jumped to the ground.

Looking around, she quickly ran to the wall and pressed her back up against the cool metal. She inched toward a doorway, peering around the corner to ensure that there were no Stormtroopers around. She saw that there were none and took off at a run. She had to find those Rebels.

She raced through the corridors, avoiding all Imperials that she saw. She had almost lost hope that she would find the Rebels when she heard blast fire coming from the corridor behind her. Weaponless, she knew that he only alternative was to run away from the sound.

She let her feet carry her ahead of the blaster sounds, yet they followed. She rounded a corner and raced through an open doorway, met only with an unextended bridge. Cursing to herself, Mallorie looked at the controls, pressing a few buttons. She hoped they would extend the bridge, yet instead, a light came on with the words "Lock disabled."

"Blast!" she said, hearing the shooting growing louder. She heard two se

 

*giggles madly*

Ph33r teh logic!

 

Very funny Mi. Luke killed Leia's perfect sister.

 

Yubs - Logic? What's that? Thanks for reading, babe!

Mom - Well, Luke almost fell off himself, ya know, so it would make sense...

But wait, that means he killed his own step-sibling! Oh, the fratricide!

 

Wow! Funny 'fic! I like this a lot! Please keep posting!

Havev a good day!

KT

 

lol!! Great work Mi! Hehehehehehehehhehe NEED MORE!

 

Poor Paletine! I guess Anakin will "own" him at this game now?

 

Killik - Thank you! I'm glad you like it, and I will most definitely keep writing to this.

Lune - The Muses/Knight of Mi demmmaaannnd... a sacrifice (in return for a new post). We want.... TRENHT!

And now for something completely different...

Thanks babe.

Crazydan - LOL, we'll see how well Palpatine can hold his own against the "chosen one."

This week's pretty hectic, but I'll try to get something written up asap!

 

By the by, does anyone know anything about the Aeneid?


(No, I'm not upping.. honestly..)

 

Computer update: After being in the shop for two weeks, they finally figured out the problem and fixed it. So, I should be getting me computer back this weekend.

 

This is too funny Miana! Nothing like a Mary Sue getting chomped on or thrown down a large shaft!

Can't wait for more!!

 

Funny ^^

I never thought of Palpatine as of Yoda's martyr

(And the object lessons on how to get rid of one's Mary Sues are quite... enlightening ^^ )

 

and.....Another one Bites the Dust! Hee Hee!

I understand your story now...I wonder what other "unknown deaths" will take place behind the curtains of the 'main action' of the SW saga?

Cant wait

 

I had my computer back for 5 days and it broke again. GRRR.

I managed to write the next bit in my calculus notebook during lecture (yes, yes, I know I should be studying), so I'll retype it out and post it up here asap.

 

?We meet again,? Anakin said. ?When I left you, I was but the learner, now I??

?Yeah yeah, shut it,? Palpatine snarled, staring intently on his cards. ?I hope you are quite ready to lose, Skywalker.?

Anakin grinned. ?Is that so??

Palpatine did not respond. Anakin?s overly-confident smile irked him. He scanned over his cards, finding one that caught his eye. Curling his lip into a smile, he placed it down on the table.

?Brace yourself,? he said daringly.

******

Saraé crouched low behind a half crumbled wall. The imperials had taken the city; there were Clonetroopers everywhere, flooding the streets like a white squall. Small fires still burned in little clusters, dying slowly as their fuel ran low. Many citizens had fled in terror, running back to their homes and families. Yet Saraé remained. She knew that the man in charge was the person she needed to see the most: Anakin.

Yet he was not the Anakin she had heard so much about. He was now a heartless machine who killed without mercy. But Saraé knew that deep inside there was still a part of his heart that loved his darling wife: her sister, Padmé. It was with that love that Saraé knew she could bring him back.

She had long left Naboo, leaving behind her family to find her place in the galaxy. Padmé had wanted her to stay yet Saraé could no long live under her sister?s shadow. Saraé Naberrie; sister of the great Queen Amidala. She knew that she would never make a name for herself living with her sister. She had to find her own life.

A shout broke Saraé from her thoughts. She saw a group of troopers heading back to their transport. It was her chance. She quietly snuck out from her hiding place and followed them at a distance. She waited until one was by himself then began her advance slowly. She cupped her hands around her mouth and made the call of a meeko bird. The trooper took the bait. He followed the bait into the alley that Saraé was hiding in.

She lurked away quietly, dropping a small mine onto the ground as she did so. She hid behind an old speeder, peering around it as the trooper came closer. She pulled the small detonator out of her pocket and waited. Slowly, he came into range. Saraé mentally counted down, then jammed her thumb down onto the detonator. The mine opened and let out a cloud of green gas. The trooper snapped his attention down at it, but hten froze. He swayed on his feet then collapsed onto the ground.

Saraé waited for the gas to clear then leapt out from her hiding spot. She quickly stripped down the armor from the trooper and put it on herself. She ignored the fact that it was too large for her short frame: they would not notice. She pulled the helmet over her head and grabbed the blaster rifle, heading toward the transport.

She quickly caught up with the line of marching troops. She trailed at the end of the line, mimicking their movements. She smiled beneath her helmet; her goal would be easily accomplished.

The transport came into sight. Two troopers stood guard outside the entry hatch. The troops filed in silently. Saraé tried to hold down her anxiety; she was so close. Next, all she had to do was to find her way around the Star destroyer. Finding Anakin would be easy; the difficulty lay in trying to get a private audience with him. Thoughts and ideas ran through her mind, clouding her thoughts of the present as she stepped up to the transport. Maybe she could act sick? Even clones had to get sick at one time. Yet she did not know where the sick bay was. Acting sick was one thing; acting as if she knew where she was going was another. She imagined that there had to be a directory of some kind about the ship. Finding it and hacking into it would not be too hard?

?Halt!?

Saraé froze in her step. One of the guards stepped forward, blocking her path. He towered over her, his blaster rifle grimly gripped in his hands. ?What is your identification number??

Saraé tried not to panic. She wracked her brain for numbers, knowing that she h