Beyond - Legends ?Witch Trials? [Monty Python Prose-Filk]

[Dramats Personae (in order of appearance [roughly]):

KUNRA
NIRIIT ESH
NOM ANOR
SHOON-MI
GANNER RHYSODE
VALIN HORN
JYSELLA HORN
JAINA SOLO
SANNAH]





EDIT: THE JC MODS WOULD LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE ASSISTANCE OF THE YNTERSTELLAR DIVISION OF THE SVENSK TØURISTBØRD, WHOSE SPØNSØRSHIP HAS MADE THE COMPLETION OF THIS 'FIC PØSSYBIL





[Røten nik Akten Di

Wik

Alsø wik

Alsø alsø wik

Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër?

Wi nøt Ëndør?

Ëndør?

See the løveli trees

The wøndërful deflectør shield system

And mäny interesting furry animals

Including the majestik Ewøk

An Ewøk once bit my sister...

No realli! She was Karving her initials øn the Ewøk with the sharpened end of an interspecies hairbrush given her by Kyp - her brother-in-law - a Jedi Hairdresser and star of many Hairdresser møvies: "The Høt Hands of a Jedi Hairdresser", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Jacen Sølø"... ]





EDIT: The Mods apologise for the fault in the author's introduction. Those responsible have been banned.





[Mynd you, Ewøk bites Kan be pretty nasti...]





EDIT: The Mods apologise again for the fault in the introduction. Those responsible for banning the people who have just been banned, have been banned.





[Ewøk Trained by YUTTE HERMSGERVØRDENBRØTBØRDA]

[Special Ewøk Effects OLAF PROT]
[Ewøk Costumes SIGGI PALPATINE]

[Ewøk choreographed by HORST PROT IV]
[Miss Portman's Ewøks by HENGST ORGANA SOLO]
[Ewøk trained to mis concrete and sign complicated insurance forms by JURGEN WIGG]

[Ewøk noses wiped by BJØRN IRKESTØM-KUAT OF KUAT]
[Large Ewøk on the left hand side of the screen in the third scene from the end, given a thorough grounding in Latin, French and 'O' Level Geography by BO ORGANA]
[Suggestive poses for the Ewøk suggested by VIC ROTTER]
[Antler-care by LIV MOTHMA]





EDIT: The Moderators appointed to edit the post after the other people had been banned, wish it to be known that they have just resigned.

EDIT: The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute





{OSSUS
30 NR}

[*An Ewøk claps coconuts together with his paws while humming the opening bars of the Imperial March*]

*ahem*

{The scene is set at the Jedi Academy on the planet OSSUS, shortly after the end of the New Jedi Order storyline. A pensive, intellectual-looking JACEN SOLO stands on a small podum in the forecourt, while a MOB of idiotic Padawaans drag a bundled figure out in front of him.}

VALIN HORN: We have found a witch, may we burn her?

MOB: Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her!

{JACEN pauses, pouts thoughtfully, and looks at him}

JACEN: How do you know she is a witch?

VAL: She looks like one!

MOB: Burn her! Burn her! Yeah!

{JACEN sighs, and nods.}

JACEN: Bring her forward.

{The Mob hustle JAINA SOLO out from amongst them, wearing yellow contact-lenses and a Sith cloak. If Jacen recognizes his twin sister, we won't allow that to get in the way of the filk.}

JAINA: I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!!

JACEN: But you are dressed as one.

JAINA: They dressed me up like this.

MOB: Burn! No, we didn't... nahh....

JAINA: And this isn't my eye colour, it's contacts!

JACEN: Well?

VAL: Well, we did do the contacts...

JACEN {Patiently}: The contacts?

VAL: And the cloak - but she is a witch!

MOB: Yeah! Burn her! Burn her! Yeah! Burn! Yeah!

JACEN: Did you dress her up like this?

MOB: No, no... no.

{JACEN looks at them}

MOB: Yes. Yes, a bit.

{JACEN looks at them. They look at each other.}

MOB {nodding to each oth

 

You are a sad, strange little man. I don't know I was laughing, but I think it had something to do with the slecho newt.

 

Um...Kyp's a Hairdresser, and Jaina is being tried as a witch?

How much do you pay your therapist? Cause it's not enough, no matter how much it is!

~Lurker

 

Awkward Pause #4...

I think it was funny. "What other things can be funny? Clowns! Cartoonists! Ducks..."

 

*gets on the phone and quietly calls the nearest loony bin*

Someone, quick. Keep McEwok occupied while the men in white coats are on their way

 

Good parody. I laughed despite the fact I don't particularly care for Monty Python *ducks from rotten tomatoes and other assorted rotten fruit thrown at her*
--Wynssa

 

Awesome! I love Monty Python. That's hilirous.

 

I came into this thinking, "uh-oh, not witches..."

But a very interesting python satire (is such a thing possible? The mind boggles!) nevertheless.

 

[face_laughing]

Brilliant! A hysterical twist on a hysterical movie.


JACEN: What also floats in water?
VAL: Bread!
JIZZ: Apples!
SANNAH: Very small rocks!
VAL: Cider!
JIZZ: Great gravy!
VAL: Cherries!
JIZZ: Mud!
SANNAH: Temples! Temples!
JIZZ: Lead! lead!

 

I love that movie! Nice satire piece.

 

You know, the first thing I'm gonna focus on in this fic is not what you expect me to focus on.

You used Sannah???

Dude, you're the only other author I've seen use her? She's in my SM/SW crossover, but that's it. Awesome!

And man, that was hilarious. 'What's a duck?' Brilliant!

 

*laughs hysterically*

Oh gods man, this is terrific. Absolutly insane. Hillarious beyond all thought. Amazing.

I'll be back later once my brain kicks into gear...

 

My school has this drama festival, called The Senior Directing Showdown...and this guy, Micheal, did Monty Python and the Holy Grail...it was the greatest thing ever.


So Star Wars-Monty Python? I love it.

 

*grins fanged grin*

Nice

 

I'll think of something intelligent to say later after I stop laughing...

 

Ish, lurker, minx, Spike, Leona, Wynssa, FG, JT, Shid', K_A, Striker, Jaid, M-J, SS, RG: Thank you all!

And now for something completely different...

Who got that this 'fic is actually all to do with Traitor and Revenge of the Sith?

- The Imperial Ewok

 

Who got that this 'fic is actually all to do with Traitor and Revenge of the Sith?

Don't try and confuse us McEwok, how can this possibly have anything to do with Traitor and ROTS?

 

Wow....um...wow.

 

Who got that this 'fic is actually all to do with Traitor and Revenge of the Sith?

Yes, I saw that in the, uh... symbolism evident in... the, uh, betrayal of Jaina by the townspeople.

Yeah, that's it...

 

ROFLMAO!!!!

 

*gets on the phone and quietly calls the nearest loony bin*

Someone, quick. Keep McEwok occupied while the men in white coats are on their way
Er - um. Okay, I'll distract him with a song. [throws on oilskin parka and gumboots] "I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay . . . "

Hilarious, Thrawn. But this is not RotS or Traitor. No way. This is a rewrite of the scene in RotJ when the Ewoks attack the stormtroopers with stones - because they REALLY attacked them with stones BECAUSE the stormtroopers were witches. Well, kind of witches; well okay, the Ewoks THOUGHT they were witches because they flew on souped up broomsticks.

Seriously - I loved it. So will Jaina float? We wait with bated breath.

 

^