Awards The 2017 Golden Yoda Awards Ceremony / Day Seven: Author Categories and Best All-Around

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The ceremony will begin tomorrow Tuesday 25 April 2017 and last for a week. We will be announcing the winners for several categories every day, and letting 24 hours pass between announcements for people to congratulate them. The ceremony will be hosted by some of your favorite characters from the Star Wars Universe, both old and new.

Announcement schedule

Tuesday 25 April : Timeframe categories (this post)
Wednesday 26 April : Storyline categories (this post)
Thursday 27 April : Length categories (this post)
Friday 28 April : Genre categories and voting/nominations champions (this post)
Saturday 29 April : Character categories (this post)
Sunday 30 April : Relationship categories, Reviewers, and Most Headsplode award (this post)
Monday 01 May: Author categories and Best All Around (this post)

BUT BEFORE WE GET THERE, THERE ARE A FEW PEOPLE WE WANT TO THANK AND CONGRATULATE.

First of all, congratulations to all the nominees! We had a total of 175 nominated stories by 79 authors/co-authors this year; 82 stories and 42 authors advanced to the voting round. It was an amazing selection in terms of both quality and diversity. Bravo to all of you for your outstanding work!

Next, a very big thanks to all nominators and voters! We had a total of 17 nominators and 24 voters. Thanks to everyone who took the time to participate. We will have more detailed statistics about participation in the Post-Awards Consultation.

We would also like to thank those who volunteered to provide prizes for the winners. A very big thanks to (in alphabetical order): A Blind Prophet, Chyntuck, Ewok Poet, Findswoman, Jedi_Lover, Mistress_Renata, the mods, Sith I-5, Raissa Baiard, and Yahiko. In addition, all the winners will receive a Golden Yoda avatar and a printable certificate.

We'll contact the winners about prizes after the ceremony is over and all winners have been announced. You can see details of the prize distribution process here; if we make any adjustments to this process, we'll announce it after the ceremony is over.

And a huge THANK YOU to our volunteer team for all their hard work!
We could not have done this without the tireless dedication of our overseer, Chyntuck, and all of the volunteers: A Blind Prophet, Anedon, divapilot, Findswoman, Kahara, Raissa Baiard, RX_Sith, and yahiko. A round of applause to all of you for making this possible!

Lastly, the JCF Fan Fiction Boards would like to thank the following sponsors for their support, without which these awards would not have been possible:

ANGRY MACE Brand Products​

HK's Chalet​

The Hungry Hutt All-You-Can-Eat Buffet​

POE'S CLOTHES menswear​

RebelsOnly.Com​

Uncle Sheev's Hutt Smut Emporium​

Ziippa Hut​

 

MASTER LIST OF WINNERS​

TIMEFRAME CATEGORIES

Best Story in Before : The Prodigal Knight and the Tragic Cupcake by Findswoman
Best Story in PT: Don't Be Afraid of the Dark by divapilot
Best Story in OT: "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Solo" by divapilot
Best Story in ST: Bad Romance by divapilot
Best Story in Beyond: Counting Stars by Dantana Skywalker

STORYLINE CATEGORIES

Best Continuity-Compliant Story: The Book of Gand by Findswoman
Best Alternate Universe: The end of all things by Pandora
Best Legends Story: The Lonely Goddess by Briannakin
Best New Canon Story: The Light From Alderaan by MandrinaQ and Hobbie's Law by Mistress_Renata
Best New Canon/Legends Mash-Up: Seasons of Migration to the North by divapilot

LENGTH CATEGORIES

Best One-Shot: Don't Be Afraid of the Dark by divapilot
Best Multi-Chapter Short Story: Seasons of Migration to the North by divapilot
Best Epic: Letters Never Sent by Ewok Poet
Best Series: The Anjie Mencuri Series by Ewok Poet (consists of: EP's Neck of the Woods: Radiophonic Heart, EP's Neck of the Woods: The Chancellor and I, The Brightest of the Stars (When Teebo Met Latara), EP's Neck of the Woods: After the Climb, EP's Neck of the Woods: Before the Fall, EP's Neck of the Woods: Not Just Talking Body, Life, Death and Other Goals)

GENRE CATEGORIES

Best Action/Adventure: Hobbie's Law by Mistress_Renata
Best Drama: Bad Romance by divapilot
Best Humour: "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Solo" by divapilot
Best Romance: But One Hour Mine by divapilot

CHARACTER CATEGORIES

Best Interpretation of a Movie Character: Cliegg Lars in Tales from the Lars Homestead by gaarastar58 and Beru Whitesun Lars in Madonna Under the Suns by Vongchild
Best Interpretation of an EU Character: Winter Retrac Celchu in The Lonely Goddess by Briannakin
Best Development of a Game Character: Female Revan/Katts Rzewanczkowski in The Prodigal Knight and the Tragic Cupcake by Findswoman
Best Original Character: Telfien Viurraanvi in The Book of Gand by Findswoman
Best Villain/Antagonist: Armitage Hux in Bad Romance by divapilot

RELATIONSHIP CATEGORIES

Best Established Relationship: Bail Organa & Breha Antilles in So Much More Than Fairytales: The Courtship of Prince Bail by Briannakin
Best Original Relationship: Mara Jade Blayne & Ezra Bridger in Star Crossed by Raissa Baiard
AUTHOR CATEGORIES

Best Author in Before: gaarastar58
Best Author in Saga: divapilot
Best Author in Beyond: Briannakin
Best New Author: Kurisan
Most Versatile Author: divapilot and Findswoman

OTHER CATEGORIES

Most Headsplode Moment: Chewbacca playing secretary for Han using Holoogle Translate in "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Solo" by divapilot
Best All-Around: Bad Romance by divapilot

REVIEWER CATEGORIES

Best Reviewer in Before: Findswoman
Best Reviewer in Saga: Findswoman
Best Reviewer in Beyond: Raissa Baiard

Nomination champions: Findswoman and Kahara
Voting champions: Findswoman and whiskers

 

The 2017 Fan Fiction Awards is brought to you today by ANGRY MACE™ Brand Products​

The red velvet curtain opens with a swoosh. The holo-screen at the back of the stage displays the image of a very angry bald man.​

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Sullen red spotlights come on, picking out the forms of two giant Golden Palpatine statues, one on each side of the stage. A heavily robed figure prowls around the stage, inspecting them.

PALPATINE: (chuckling evilly) Good. Good. Everything has transpired according to my design.

Suddenly, he stops and looks over his shoulder with a startled glance. He jumps, realizing the curtain is up, and turns toward the audience.

PALPATINE: (sheepishly) Ah...heh...yes…. (He rearranges his face into a malevolent smile) Welcome, Fan Fiction community; I’ve been expecting you. My forces have overthrown the pathetic band of Rebels who were trying to perpetuate the travesty of the...heh..Golden Yodas. Instead, I have replaced it with the Golden Palpatine Awards, a fitting tribute to my Imperial glory. (He sweeps his arms wide, blue Force lightning dancing at his fingertips.) Now witness the power of this fully armed and operational Fan Fiction Awards!

MACE WINDU: (entering from stage right) I don’t think so!

The flash of his purple lightsaber slices through the nearest Golden Palpy, sending it toppling into the orchestra pit. A Bith kloo-hornist and a Bothan playing the mandoviol scurry out of the way to avoid being crushed. A Golden Yoda statue levitates in from offstage, directed by the diminutive Jedi Master himself. It settles gently onto the stage where the Palpatine statue stood. Yoda nods in satisfaction, and hobbles onstage after Mace.

PALPATINE: (snarls) Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?

MACE: The Awards Committee will decide your fate.

As he raises his lightsaber, Mace catches a glimpse of the ad for ANGRY MACE Brand Artificial Milk Product which is still on the screen at the back of the stage. His face contorts into an expression remarkably similar to the one on the carton.

MACE: What the kr-(bleep)is this? I did NOT give my permission for them to put my face on cartons of artificial kr-(bleep)-in’ milk! I’m lactose intolerant! You just wait until the Jedi Temple lawyers get a hold of you! They’ll be on you like (bleep)in’ snakes on a (bleep)in’ X-wing!

PALPATINE: (chuckling at this unseemly outburst) Yes….give in to your profanity! Your 'fresher mouth will be your undoing!

YODA: (poking MACE with his walking stick) Tolerated in the brig of a Corellian freighter, that expression would not be, Master Windu. Use the k-word, you may not.

MACE: What?!

YODA: (sighs) The k-word. Disallowed by the Galactic Communications Committee it is.

MACE: Well, sha-(bleep)!

YODA: Forbidden that one is as well.

MACE: (scowls, his mouth working furiously as he tries to come up with the right words) Bor…kara…poo… Aw, nuts!

YODA: (nodding) Better, that is. A good time to open the envelopes for the Timeline Categories, perhaps this would be.

MACE: Right.

He switches off his saber, clips it to his belt, and pulls a handful of flimsi-plast envelopes from his robes. He reads the first one:

MACE: The nominees for Best Story in Before are:

Midday Darkness // The Light is Me, I Am The Light by Ewok Poet
The Prodigal Knight and the Tragic Cupcake by Findswoman
Tales from the Lars Homestead by gaarastar58
Schism by Jedi_Perigrine
Interludes by K'tai qel Letta-Tanku

And the winner is: The Prodigal Knight and the Tragic Cupcake by Findswoman

PALPATINE: (sneers) A most un-Imperial work.

YODA: Asked you, no one did

He takes an envelope from MACE

YODA: For Best Story in PT, the nominees are:

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark by divapilot
Letters Never Sent by Ewok Poet
C1D by GregMcP
The End of All Things by Pandora
Life Among the Ashes by taramidala

YODA: And Don't Be Afraid of the Dark by divapilot, the winner is.

PALPATINE: (sniffs) I wonder if your feelings on this matter are clear, Master Yoda?

YODA: Printed on the flimsi, the winner is.

MACE rolls his eyes and reads the third envelope:

MACE: The nominees for Best Story in OT are:

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Solo" by divapilot
The Black Star by Ewok Poet
Star Crossed by Raissa Baiard
Lightforce by Suzannah.Pearce
Hard Time by Thumper09

MACE: And the winner is: "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Solo" by divapilot

PALPATINE: (in a wheedling tone of voice) Yoda, my old frenemy…How long have we known each other? Let me read the nominees and I will give you power. Unlimited power!

YODA: Kidding, you must be.

YODA: For Best Story in ST, the nominees are:

Black Rapier by Aiel
To Finish What He Began by darth_treyvah
Bad Romance by divapilot
And Then There Were None by Glor
Island Surprise by Sith-I-5

YODA: And Bad Romance by divapilot, the winner is.

PALPATINE: (holding out an imperious hand.) And now, Master Windu, you will fulfill your destiny and give me the final envelope.

MACE: No.

PALPATINE: So be it Jedi… oh, look is that Kathleen Kennedy? (He points a wizened finger towards the audience) I heard she was considering making an anthology film about you, Master Windu.

MACE: What? Where? (He glances around nervously, smoothing his bald head.)

PALPATINE: Yoink!

When MACE looks away, the EMPEROR pulls the last envelope from his hand. He grins a hideous grin at the incensed Jedi as he rips it open.

PALPATINE: It is as I have foreseen. The nominees for Best Story in Beyond are:

Counting Stars by Dantana Skywalker
Seasons of Migration to the North by divapilot
The Map of the Dead by Ewok Poet
Things Fall Apart by Irish_Jedi_Jade
A Year in the Life: The Deepest Note is the Cobalt Sky by JadeLotus

PALPATINE: And the winner is: Counting Stars by Dantana Skywalker. As I knew it would be.

I have also foreseen that you will join us tomorrow for the Storyline Categories, when our hosts will be Jaina and Jacen Solo. And now, I leave you with a worthy example of Imperial entertainment, Lord Vader and the elite dancing troopers of the 501st.

The spotlights dim. As the three figures head off stage, Mace Windu’s voice can be heard. “Somebody get my agent on the comlink. They did not pay me enough for this gig.”

ANNOUNCER: And now, give it up for DARTH VADER and the DANCING 501st

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ANGRY MACE commercial and art by Ewok Poet​

ANGRY MACE animation by Mr. Chyntuckopolis​

Palpatine, Mace and Yoda skit by Raissa Baiard​

 

Nice job, Raissa Baiard - I particularly liked

PALPATINE: Yoink

Congratulations to all winners, including multiple winner, divapilot - well deserved.

Thank you to whomever nominated my work for ST; hope there were more than just the five stories that made it through.

 

Edit: Almost forgot. Congrats to the winners.

And Palpatine: Boooo! *Thumbs down*

 

Congrats to Findswoman, divapilot and Dantana Skywalker for your wins. Those are some great stories!

 

gg

 

Congrats divapilot (x 3) Findswoman Dantana Skywalker!

 

Congrats to all the nominees and to divapilot, Dantana Skywalker and Findswoman on your wins. Well done.

 

Read this on my mobile phone earlier on, great show, wonderful hosts (joink! joink!), fantastic dance interludes and a lot of snark.

Congrats to the winners and the nominees as well!

And thanks for the people who made this award possible!

 

VENGEANCE SPRINKLES!

Hilarious start to the Awards!

Congrats to Findswoman divapilot and Dantana Skywalker for your wins and to all the nominations!

 

Congratulations Findswoman, divapilot and Dantana Skywalker on your wins! And congratulations to all the nominees; there were some very tough choices and you all did a fantastic job.

 

Best wishes to the stories! I mean the authors - congratulations on capturing the spirit of the GFFA.

 

Congratulations, divapilot, Findswoman, Dantana Skywalker!

 

That poem was great! But the side effects from the red vengeance sprinkles

Congratulations to all the nominees!

And a big congratulations to divapilot, Findswoman, and Dantana Skywalker on your wins!

 

No red carpet arrivals? That was always half the fun...

RENATA rushes into the thread and looks around wildly. She is in a black and silver gown with an Art Deco design.

RENATA: We're late! I knew it, we're late! We missed it!

KESTREL ANTILLES strolls in behind her. She is in a simple but elegant gown of very pale blush pink with a smattering of crystals on the bodice.

KESTREL: Relax, we only missed the opening ceremony. (Eyes the statue debris in the orchestra pit). That's probably a good thing; it looks as if it was dangerous. (She sits down, reclines her chair and looks around for a waiter).

RENATA: (gnashing her teeth) It's Mel's fault! I thought she had a dress picked out for this shindig!

KESTREL: She did. Then she saw another one she liked better. And then the other day, right after we got here, she was walking through the formals section at Blogdorf Niceman, and...

RENATA: That's it! Next story I put her in, she is wearing a burlap technician's overall for the whole thing!

KESTREL: Uh-huh. (Summons a waiter)

RENATA: Where is she, anyway?

KESTREL: Still on the red carpet, shmoozing the papparazzi.

RENATA: I'm going to kill her. I swear...

KESTREL: (soothingly) Why don't you just sit back and relax and congratulate the winners, hm? (to the waiter) A bottle of sparkili wine, and the tapas spread, please.

RENATA: It was a really strong slate of candidates. I had a terrible time deciding who to vote for!

KESTREL: I know! (to the waiter) And could you have floral bouquets sent to the winners' tables? That's divapilot, Dantana Skywalker and our good friend Findswoman, who all did an amazing job and totally deserve the trophies. Oh, and while you're at it, a bouquet to Raissa Baiard, who is doing an awesome job of hosting, under the circumstances, and a bottle of sparkili to Chyntuck, who has just done amazing work organizing all this. (glances over at Renata, then whispers) Put it on her tab!

 

LOL MEL! Totally knew that this would happen. It's her dad's genes, I tells ya!

I would bring my OCs to this, but the problem is, two specific folks cannot be seen with each other, not just yet. Not to mention that I would go all Mel on one of my OCs. And then eat all the food, because of course food matters more than, pfft, men.

 

Thank you so much, guys! I'm so honored and frankly, a bit stunned. Thanks!

Congrats to Findswoman and Dantana Skywalker, too!

(Waves at Mistress_Renata and thanks her for the lovely bouquet of flowers. Ithorian orchids - my favorite!)

 

I made a bet with myself the way people do for Eurovision and I had guessed 4 out of 5 so far. I now owe myself some nice savoury snack.

Next year, I should be taking money.

 

This year had an amazing batch of stories, so congratulations to all who were nominated. You all did a fantastic job and choosing was difficult.

Congrats on your wins to:

Findswoman for bringing back Katts and Stann, and introducing us to a lovable if sometimes sad mooka pup.

divapilot for already obviously being on a roll! Three stories, and each of them manages to knock it out of the park with a very different feel and subject matter.

Dantana Skywalker for writing a late EU romance that managed to sell me on a pairing I've never really read before.

 

Congratulations to Findswoman, divapilot, and Dantana Skywalker on their wins and to the other nominees! I'm humbled to have been included in the fun this year.

 

Just watched that dance video; Darth Vader and his troops doing Hammer Time was awesome.

 

MELVINA CALRISSIAN totters precariously up to the table, in golden sandals with 7" heels. A puff of smoke covers her from armpits to mid-thigh, with the colors cycling from pink to apricot to lavender. RENATA and KESS stare at her in shock.

MEL: You started without me?

KESS: The ceremony started without you. You missed the first round of winners. And the dancing Stormtroopers.

MEL: (sits down carefully and leans over to look at the list). Aaaww! There were some good ones too. Winners, that is. There are no good Stormtroopers.

RENATA: Umm, what exactly are you wearing?

MEL: Oh! (jumps out of her seat to pirouette) It's a Bespin Cloud dress! You like? What do you think?

KESS: It looks like a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen. (MEL sticks out her tongue, and sits down again, reaching for the sparkili).

RENATA: (nervous) You too won't be upset if we don't win, will you? There's some really tough competition in this category.

KESS: Oh, no. The Fan Fiction Awards aren't about winning.

RENATA: You're right. You're right. The Awards are about expressing your creativity and doing something you love, and sharing that with others who have similar interests!

(MEL and KESS look at each other).

MEL: Um, we were gonna say 'it's all about the afterparties.' But, okay, creativity and love and stuff...your thing is good too, I guess...

 

The 2017 Fan Fiction Awards are brought to you today by The Hungry Hutt All-You-Can-Eat Buffet​

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The camera zooms in on one of the Hutts to reveal the sweat and slime running off his hide. A Sha’rellian toop hops off the gastropod and dives into a bowl of ‘adass soup.

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The Hutt pulls the toop out of the soup and places it back on the top of his head. He then licks his fingers and burps loudly.

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The holovid shows another Hutt, this one dressed in a top hat and bow tie, inhaling the aroma of a minuscule cup. He blinks his nictitating membranes slowly to express his delight.

VOICEOVER: That’s right! You can enjoy this exclusive cuisine right here on Imperial Centre! No need to run off to Nal Hutta for a chef, or to Ool for taba ooleh! Just head to the Hungry Hutt in Pom Plaza, in the heart of Coco Town, and savour the Lebnan experience!

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Jacen and Jaina Solo come onto the stage together

JAINA: Welcome to this year's Fan Fiction Awards.

JACEN: Jaina, what is small, golden and desired by everyone?

JAINA: Is this supposed to be a joke?

JACEN: The golden Yoda.

JANINA: (rolling her eyes) Of course, why I didn´t realize that earlier?

JACEN: Today we present to you the winners of this year's awards in the Storyline Categories.

JAINA: Exactly brother. But before that, we want to apologize to everyone for the intrusion of the Emperor yesterday.

JACEN: True, the Golden Yoda awards will continue as planned.

KYLO REN enters the stage, dressed in a badly fitting Jedi jumpsuit.

JACEN: Who are you?

KYLO: I´m your brother. I want to present the awards with you.

JACEN: Nice to meet you brother, wanna hear a joke?

JAINA: (deadpan) Great, now it's three of them.

JACEN: How many stormtroopers does it take to change a glowpanel?

KYLO: I usually order two, one to change the panel and one to make sure the first doesn´t turn traitor.

(A moment of awkward silence passes, in which the twins share a glance)

KYLO: (nervous) I mean, I heard that once... somewhere...

JACEN: It takes two stormtroopers to change a glowpanel. One stormtrooper to change it, and the other one to shoot him and take credit for all the work.

KYLO: But we don´t reward them for changing a panel...

(The twins again exchange a look)

JAINA: I think the audience has heard enough jokes for now. Let's begin with the awards.

KYLO (pulls out an envelope): There were some mistakes on your cards, but I have the corrected ones for you.

JACEN: (takes one) Why do they say "The Golden Palpatine awards"?

JAINA: These people didn't even participate in the contest! This is an imperial trick.

KYLO: (activates his lightsaber) I´m impressed. No one has been able to see through my schemes before.

JAINA: You might want to rethink your technique.

The twins activate their blades as well. Together they drive Kylo of the stage.

JAINA: And I thought you were a complicated brother.

JACEN: (a little uncomfortable) He probably doesn't have a sister like you.

JAINA: (giving Jacen a smile) Now that the imperial is gone we should start with the awards.

JACEN: Right, our first category today is the Best Continuity-Compliant Story. So the story that fits completely into the established canon.

JAINA: So we can´t appear in it?

Jacen: We can; it's for both Legends and the New Canon. The stories are:

The Face Behind the Helmet by CheckSix & gaarastar58
My Awakening by darth_treyvah
A Rough Trade by Ewok Poet
The Book of Gand by Findswoman
Madonna Under the Suns by Vongchild

JAINA: (takes her card out of the original envelope) The winner is:The Book of Gand by Findswoman

JACEN: Congratulations to you and the other nominees.

JAINA: Our next category is Best AU Story. Which take place in an alternative Universe. Maybe there is even one where your jokes are actually funny.

JACEN: The nominees are:

Tale As Old As Time by aleja2
Emerging from Shadows by Cushing's Admirer
Lord Vader's Limpet by frodogenic
The Broken Boy and the Blind Master by gaarastar58
The end of all things by Pandora

JAINA: The Golden Yoda goes to: The end of all things by Pandora Thanks to all who have participated.

JACEN: Now we come to the Best Legends Story. Maybe we might even appear in it.

JAINA: Nominated are:
The Lonely Goddess by Briannakin
Two Girls and a Man in Red by Findswoman
Lord Vader's Limpet by frodogenic
Life Among the Ashes by taramidala
The Graverobbers of Alderaan by whiskers

JACEN: The winner is:The Lonely Goddess by Briannakin

JAINA: Now we come to the Best New Canon Story of this year. Let's see how Rey and her friends have fared.

JACEN: The nominees are:
And Then There Were None by Glor
The Light From Alderaan by MandrinaQ
From Out of the Darkness by mavjade
Hobbie's Law by Mistress_Renata
Lightforce by Suzannah.Pearce

JAINA: The Golden Yoda goes to... It's a tie! The Light From Alderaan by MandrinaQ and Hobbie's Law by Mistress_Renata

JACEN: Now we come to our last category today the Best Legends/New Canon Mash Up.

JAINA: So stories that feature both legends and canon characters and storylines?

JACEN: That´s true; Aunt Mara especially has been to the New Canon universe several times during the last year.

JAINA: The nominees are:

My Dearest Luke by Briannakin
Awake And Arise by Dantana Skywalker
Seasons of Migration to the North by divapilot
Recruited by Lane_Winree
Star Crossed by Raissa Baiard

JACEN: And the winner is: Seasons of Migration to the North by divapilot

JAINA: Congrats to all nominees and thanks to everyone who took part in this year's Awards.

JACEN: Wanna hear another joke?

JAINA: No

JACEN: What goes ha-ha-ha? thump!

JAINA: You when you tell another joke.

JACEN: A droid laughing it´s head off!

JAINA gives her brother a light slap that sends him to the floor.

JACEN: Ouch!

JAINA: Tomorrow we will see if droids are capable of such destructive laughter as they present the awards for the Length Categories to the audience.

JACEN: Until then, enjoy the royal Hapan Ballet and stay on guard of imperial infiltrators.

BOTH TWINS: May the Force be with you.

The lights go off and leave the stage in darkness.

ANNOUNCER: We regret to announce that due a droid malfunction on their Star Tours 3000 shuttle, the Royal Hapan Ballet has been unavoidably detained. Instead, we present for your enjoyment...Emperor Palpatine?!?

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Hungry Hutt commercial by Chyntuck​

Hungry Hutt animation by Mr Chyntuckopolis​

Jacen, Jaina and Kylo skit by Anedon​