Saga - PT Revenge of the Sith Humorous Version Repost

WARNING: SW SAGA AND POSSIBLE ST SPOILERS!


Title: Revenge of The Sith Humorous Version


Author: The Jedi Council. First Author: study3600

Rating: PG-16 for language, some drug references and some sexual humor

Characters: Manakin Streetwalker/Darth Vacuous, Cameo/Umporer Palpitatine, Count Doodu, General Greedy, Patme Ahmidalalala, Ob-Ewan McNobi, Yoga, Mace Windy, Bailey Smits, Marcus Streetwalker and Lee Smits, twins.


Genre:Fantasy/Humor

Length: An entire Star Wars Shooting scripts' worth of material.

Timeline:20 Y BBY About


Summary: After the Battle of Coruscampi, Manakin is conflicted. Do his loyalties lie with his friend Ob-Ewan and the Jedi or with the Cameo and the Republic? And is he the father of Patme's child?


Notes: This is a closed thread, meaning only I can post additions to it, but you may comment.
Due to the fact that in the original ROTS HV threads everythings unformatted and scenes almost COMPLETELY OUT OF ORDER, this could stand a major repost, plus I was going to do it later but feel moved to start it now, plus II is done and I has gone as far as it can go without someone picking up that baton besides me again, and I do not have the ability to make the entire TPM script funny like Purp, T, Shalimar and many others did back in the fun summer of '99 when this was fresh and new (it still can be, because we will continue to build upon it and when we FINALLY get to Eppy 8 HV, I have a hilarious mind blowingly funny idea for the Luke/Ben /First Order AT-AT Walker scene that will really knock your socks off and make you collectively fall out of your chairs laughing so to speak. So look forward with a view to that.) I suspect we'll rapidly advance through VII once we complete this then I compile IV, V then we finally finish VI at long last! And 9! Hoo Boy won't that one be fun to lambaste. I know you'd all like to take a potshot or two or three at The Rise of Skywalker script. And I am also trying to get the Clown Wars HV reopened. As Ben Stein would say, people...

....Anyone?

...Anyone?

...Anyone?

Is anyone reading? please comment. positive or negative feedback both welcome.


When everyone ignores all my threads save one person only and the mods who can't by the rules contribute, I tend to think something's up, like no one cares about Humorous Versions these days. Is that right? Is that wrong?Tell me . communicate,. Thanks-You would make my day-study.


If you'd like to help write this go to this link to the original:
https://boards.theforce.net/threads/revenge-of-the-sith-humorous-version-spoilers.19980768/

Your contributions to the story shall be added to this compilation, and credit given to each author at the end of the story in the closing credits. May the Force Be With you.

The other movie and movie script-based Humorous Versions:

• -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  
  Completed HV's:
  
  I (Technically, though it still is incomplete unless there is SOMEONE out there with a copy of the original.)
  II
  IV
  V
  
  Incomplete HV's
  III
  VI
  VII
  
  Not started yet:
  
  VIII
  IX
  
  Extracurricular:
  
  ROUGE ONE
  
  HANDS OFF PART ONE
  
  The Clown Wars- incomplete
  
  The Goofy Bunch-Not started
  
  Rebelliousness- Not started
  
  The Holiday Special is too sacred to touch-hands off
  
  The MacGuffin- Not started
  
  I cant do all this alone. -BLSK"study3600"V
  
  Let's do this thing. I'll post a link to ROTJ, RoTS and TFA HV's soon. But III MUST be finished before VI is completed. That is a must. Now is the time for all good men and women in the JCC to come to the aid of the Humorous Versions.
  God bless.-Brent Ciou.]
  :
  Help for writing in script format:

https://boards.theforce.net/threads/help-for-budding-screenplay-writers.50056314/

The other movie and movie script-based Humorous Versions:

1. https://boards.theforce.net/threads...version-repost-2010-humor-silliness.30643704/
   TPM HV-The beginning, some of it begging to be replaced by the Original......
   
   
   https://boards.theforce.net/threads...contd-add-on-spoilers.30602068/#post-30602068
   ROTS HV COMPILATION
   
   
   
   https://boards.theforce.net/threads/revenge-of-the-sith-humorous-version-spoilers.19980768/
   TO ADD TO THE ROTS HV STORY GO HERE:
   
   https://boards.theforce.net/threads/a-new-hope-humorous-version.177852/
   ANH HV
   
   https://boards.theforce.net/threads/esb-humorous-version-spoilers.203134/
   ESB HV PART 1
   
   https://boards.theforce.net/threads...morous-version-contiued-st-spoilers.50056267/
   ESB HV Part 2
   
   
   https://boards.theforce.net/threads/return-of-the-jedi-humorous-version-spoilers-contd.19294988/
   ROTJ HV Compilation
   
   
   
   https://boards.theforce.net/threads/return-of-the-jedi-humorous-version-spoilers-contd.19294988/
   TO ADD TO ROTJ HV GO HERE:
   
   https://boards.theforce.net/threads/the-force-awakens-humorous-version-spoilers.50036141/
   TFA HV

All story ideas for the Humorous Versions must be discussed on the New Humorous Version Planning Thread, here:

https://boards.theforce.net/threads/the-new-humorous-version-planning-thread.50035610/

But we cannot discuss spoilers on it, but it is linked back to here.

And by the way, I have permission from an Admin that it is permissable though not very common anymore to do collaborative works.

Mav Edit: Locked for rules violation

 

A SPEAKPURPANDVACPARODY UNLMTD PRODUCTION

A long time ago in the future....

SC 01 EXT.SPACE

A vast sea of stars serves as the backdrop for the Main Title, followed by a rollup, which crawls into infinity....boy, I don't have to write that sentence again for twelve years! YIPPEE!

STAR WARS:
THE HUMOROUS VERSIONS

EPISODE III: REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED SITH

Oh no, my I.Q. just dropped a few points and I can't form complete sentences!

War! The Republic! It's crumbling! Under attacks! By the ruthless Sith Lord! Named COUNT DOODU! There are heroes! On both sides! Evil! It's everywhere!

Oh, my brain hurts.

In a stunning move, the fiendish Clone Wars villain GENERAL GREEDY has swept into the Republic capital with a broom and kidnapped Cameo Palpitatine, leader of the Galactic Em- er, Republic. Why he is doing this when the entire audience knows Palpitatine is the bad guy no one can figure.

As the Separatist Tinker Drone Army attempts to flee the beswept capital with their obviously evil hostage, two Jedi Knights lead a desperate mission to rescue the captive Cameo....

PAN DOWN to reveal a REPUBLIC ATTACK CRUISER. Continue to PAN if you can can with the Cruiser, as TWO JEDI STARFIGHTERS enter and head towards an enemy Battle Cruiser. TRUCK with the Jedi Fighters (I didn't know trucks could fly in space!) as they maneuver in unison, dodging flack and enemy laser fire. R2-Detour is on Manakin's ship. AMNOT-PP7 is on Ob-Ewan's ship. The truck that was with the Jedi is gone. A giant, (and quite frankly the best one I've ever seen!) space battle is revealed as the tiny Jedi ships continue their assault in a synchronous waltz.


SC 02 INT. OB-EWAN McNOBI'S STARFIGHTER COCKPIT-SPACE

OB-EWAN bounces through the flack with a frown. Very descriptive. His ship rocks violently.


SC 03 INT. MANAKIN STREETWALKER'S STARFIGHTER COCKPIT-SPACE

MANAKIN smiles as he blasts a TRADER CONVENTION'S TINKER DROPPER FIGHTER. He's smiling because lots and lots of pyrotechnists died to bring you that effect.

MANAKIN: There isn't a droid made that can out-fly you, Master, probably because--other than myself--you are the hero of this epic. ...And since Mr. Lucas scripted it this way, there is no other way to get to the Cameo....

OB-EWAN: Look out! More incredibly detailed CGI effects coming this way...!

SC 04 EXT. CORUSCANNOTEVERCALLITCORUSCANT-SPACE BATTLE

The TWO JEDI FIGHTERS swerve in unison as FOUR TRADER CONVENTION'S TINKER DROPPER FIGHTERS attack. After several clever moves by the Jedi (which should include a MOONWALK, the BUMP and that POINTED FINGER POSE that was popular in the disco days), two of the CONVENTION'S TINKER DROPPER FIGHTERS collide with each other in a ball of flame. Many OOOS and AAAAHS are heard from an unseen audience.

SC 05 INT. OB-EWAN'S STARFIGHTER COCKPIT-SPACE

OB-EWAN struggles to maintain control of his ship.

OB-EWAN: We've got to split up. And see if you can get a few of those Tinker dropper fighters to follow you.

MANAKIN: Break left, fly through the guns on that tower.

OB-EWAN: You worry about those fighters. I'll worry about the tower!

OB-EWAN flies to the left of a huge tower on a REPUBLIC CRUISER. The two TINKER DROPPER FIGHTERS follow.

OB-EWAN: Why am I always the bait?

Whack

OB-EWAN: Ow! I How do you do that over the Comm link?

MANAKIN: Li-Gon's ghost taught me-and he told me to remind you-

OB-EWAN:-There's always a bigger fish, yes, I know.

MANAKIN: No. That you're a much wiser man than him, and that he forsees you'll become a great Jedi Knight.

OB-EWAN: I'm a Jedi Master! A great Jedi Knight! Manakin, to your left!

MANAKIN: I see 'em. Watch that crossfire boys!

CLONE PILOT: Copy, Gold Leader.

MANAKIN: Ob-Ewan, you got two on your right. Watch it!

MANAKIN BLASTS away at a TINKER DROPPER FIGHTER as ARTOO BEEPS an angry warning.

CLONE PILOT #1: All wings report in.

CLONE PILOT#2: Red 6 standing by......

RICK OILY: Fighters, straight ahead.

Whack

OB-EWAN: I'm going down on the deck.

MANAKIN: Good idea.... I need some room to show of my great piloting skills.

OB-EWAN, in an effort to get out of the way of MANAKIN'S large ego, dives toward the surface of one of the larger TINKER CONVENTION BATTLESHIPS and is forced to fly through a very complicated CGI rendering that leaves everyone speechless. Suddenly he dons his retro-looking reader glasses while he skims the surface for his next lines. Outside in the space battle, he is followed by the TINKER DROPPER FIGHTER, which is followed by MANAKIN.

MANAKIN: Cut right. Do you hear me?! Cut right. Don't let him get a handle on you. Come on, Artoo! Lock on! Lock on!

ARTOO BEEPS. The censors are elated that the translation which appears on MANAKIN'S screen is, in fact, a made-up language so that the audience doesn't catch on to what ARTOO just said about MANAKIN'S dubious heritage.

OB-EWAN: (ripping the glasses from his face in disgust as he finishes reading the script and realises that he will have to spend a great deal of future scenes completely unconscious strapped to MANAKIN'S backside) Hurry up! I don't like this!

OB-EWAN flies through a narrow gap between two towers on a BATTLESHIP. The TINKER DROPPER FIGHTER hits one of OB-EWAN's wings with a laser blast, and parts of the ship go flying around OB-EWAN's Astropop Droid, AM-NOT.

OB-EWAN: Ouch!

AM-NOT BEEPS a blue streak. The censors open up their laptop computers in attempt to connect to the CGI computers and doctor the lines of the script. OB-EWAN sees this and releases his virus hacking program POINT-OF-VIEW into their email, which disables all their attempts into the system.

OB-EWAN: Don't even try to fix it, Am-Not. I've shut it down.

MANAKIN: We're locked on.... We've got him....

MANAKIN drops in behind the TINKER DROPPER FIGHTER and blows him apart. ARTOO SQUEALS with delight. Like MANAKIN, ARTOO likes the idea of pyrotechnists dying to create their special effects.

MANAKIN: Yeah! We got him.... Good going, Artoo.

OB-EWAN: Next time, you're the bait.... (sighing as he realises he'll be considered the bad guy at the end of the movie when he has to walk away from a crispy fried MANAKIN) Now, let's find the Command Ship and get on with it....

AM-NOT BEEPS yet another blue streak. Before OB-EWAN can remind him that the MPAA will only allow one or two bad words in a PG-13 movie, MANAKIN'S voice interrupts him--

MANAKIN: Lock onto them, Artoo. Master, General Grievously's ship is directly ahead.

OB-EWAN rolls his eyes because he knows that's not his real name.

SC 06 INT OB-EWAN'S FIGHTER COCKPIT--where else but SPACE

OB-EWAN: Oh, I see it. Wow, this's gonna be easy...just like nailing womp rats on Patootie.

WHACK

GL: What'd I tell you about excessive foreshadowing?

OB-EWAN: Yes, master...

AHEAD is a TINKER CONVENTION CRUUUZER with PNEUMATIC SUSPENSION, SPINNER HUBCAPS, a multi-million Watt BOSE BLASTER 9000 sound system, and lots of TINKER MULCHING DROIDS...the droids assume wood-chipper configuration and begin swarming towards the JEDI STARFIGHTERS

MANAKIN: Come on, Master. If you were going any slower, you'd be backing up!

OB-EWAN: Not this time. There's not enough wood stakes. We need help. Cue Ball, do you copy?

CUE BALL: Only from the smart kids, Red Leader.

OB-EWAN: Mark my position and form your squad up behind me.

SC 07 INT CUE BALL's COCKPIT

CUE BALL: We're right behind you, General McNobi. Set Aluminum Foils in oven and heat to 325...

The PROTECTIVE RAY SHIELD on the main hangar of the TINKER CONVENTION CRUUUUZER lowers, and six new DROID TRICYCLE FIGHTERS emerge and join the MULCHER FIGHTERS heading for the STRIKE FORCE. The JEDI STARFIGHTERS extend Aluminum Foils from the tips of their wings, like CONFETTI STREAMERS

OB-EWAN: Do you copy, EIGHT BALL?

EIGHT BALL: With a Xerox, Red Leader!

OB-EWAN: Form up and get ready for our attack run!

INT MANAKIN'S FIGHTER COCKPIT-SPACE

MANAKIN: This is where the fun begins. Ten Mulcher Droids, straight ahead, coming down the left side...

ARTOO beeps a worried message

OB-EWAN: Add five Tricycle Fighters on the right.

MANAKIN: I'm going head to head. See ya, sucker.

MANAKIN'S FIGHTER leaps ahead

OB-EWAN: (singing along with Eagles music blasting from cockpit speakers) Take it eeeeeeaaaasy, take it eeeeaaaaassssy/don't let the sound of your own wheels/drive you craaaaazy.

MANAKIN makes a face as the music and OB-EWAN's horrible singing blast through his headset.

Four CLONE FIGHTERS move into formation behind the Jedi

CUE BALL: I'm on your right, Red Leader.

MANAKIN: INCOMING!!!!

EIGHT BALL: HIT THE DECK!!!! *looking around* Where's Charlie?! Where?!

EIGHT BALL'S FIGHTER breaks off and begins flying back towards the REPUBLIC FLEET, spraying fire in random directions

ARTOO squeals like a TEENAGE GIRL at her first N'STYNK concert as five DROID TRICYCLE FIGHTERS pass on the right.

MANAKIN: (shaking his fist as they fly by) don't you know, PASS on the LEFT?! Where'd you get your flying license?! The University of Bob?!

OB-EWAN: Five more on the left!

Four more DROID MULCHER FIGHTERS pass on the left, flashing their lights and honking. OB-EWAN and MANAKIN continue to fly in unison, ARTOO squeals again.

MANAKIN: Here we go!!

The kitchen sink also passes to the left.

MANAKIN (CONT'D): Yep they included that in this battle too.

The JEDI STARFIGHTERS loop around the DROID TRICYCLE FIGHTERS, ending up behind them. The Jedi blast away, while the DROID TRICYCLE FIGHTERS erupt in massive pyrotechnic displays

OB-EWAN: I'm going high and right!

MANAKIN: Hang on, there are four more of them.

OB-EWAN: Stay with me, Manakin! Swing back and right...

MANAKIN: Come ON. Give it some juice, gramma!

OB-EWAN: Ok, come on, and hurry. These droids are on me like Swamp Rot on one of the Hutt's dancing Twi-Leks!!

In one incredible move. MANAKIN swings in behind the DROID TRICYCLE FIGHTERS, blasting the heck out of them one by one until there is only one left.

ARTOO: Holy ****!

ARTOO lets out a HOWL as MANAKIN accelerates past the last TRICYCLE FIGHTER, slams on the brakes (since when is there friction in space?) , flips the fighter around, and BLASTS the living SNOT out of the Fighter in front. Meanwhile OB-EWAN yawns, drumming his fingers on his dashboard, watching his former apprentice act all macho. MANAKIN looks behind him.

MANAKIN: How many more back there I need to give an a**whuppin to, Artoo? (Artoo beeps once) One....(Artoo Beeps again) Two...(Artoo Beeps a third time)...Three.....Any more? (Artoo beeps five more times rapidly) Uh oh! Very funny, Artoo.

OB-EWAN: Manakin, you have eight on your tail!

MANAKIN: Dude, my Artoo unit can count! Tell me something I don't know!

OB-EWAN: Four more closing from your left.

MANAKIN: Thanks a lot!

OB-EWAN: Break right and go high.

MANAKIN: I'm going low and left.

OB-EWAN shakes his head, knowing from having read the script just how LOW and LEFT Manakin would be going in the future.


OB-EWAN:(To himself) He still has much to learn.

MANAKIN swoops low across a TINKER CONVENTION BATTLESTAR, dodging flack as ARTOO tries to get a sentence out

MANKIN: Hang on, Artoo...Ob-Ewan, do you copy? I'm going to peep through the keyhole.

OB-EWAN: Too dangerous! First Jedi rule: ?Don't get caught.?

MANAKIN: Sorry, no choice. Listen, you could come down here and thin their ranks a little.

OB-EWAN drops in behind the TINKER MULCHER FIGHTERS as they chase MANAKIN. AMNOT beeps to OB-EWAN

OB-EWAN: C'mon Metamucil...keep me regular...steady, steady...now, break left!!

OB-EWAN fires as he swings back and forth behind the TINKER MULCHER FIGHTERS, blowing away four. MANAKIN heads for a trench along the side of a TINKER CONVENTION BATTLESTAR. He flies into the trench, which ends in a conning tower with a small slit between two main struts. Laser fire erupts everywhere around MANAKIN's STARFIGHTER.

CUE BALL: Manakin, switch on your targeting computer.

OB-EWAN: You'll never get through there, it's too tight.

MANAKIN: I've heard that before.

ARTOO whines nervously

MANAKIN: Don't worry, Artoo...I've done this before. He winks

OB-EWAN(VO): Use the Force, Luke. Reach out with your feelings.

MANAKIN: What the hell?! Who's Luke?

ARTOO squeals in a panic. On the VDU screen, ARTOO's squeal reads out: ?WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT/NO, WE AIN'T GONNA MAKE IT/WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT, ANYMORE!

MANAKIN: Wrong thought, Artoo.

MANAKIN slips through the narrow gap, sparks showering behind where he scraped through. The trailing MULCHER FIGHTERS crash in a fabulous display of pyrotechnics

MANAKIN: I made it through..barely. (He surveys the damage to his fighter's paint job...) DAMN. And I just GOT this custom job done on a special Jedi edition of REPUBLICAN CHOPPER!!

OB-EWAN continues to fire on the MULCHER FIGHTERS, chasing them into the continuing explosion at the ?keyhole?. A CLONE FIGHTER is hit and EXPLODES, the pilot flying off into space. Finally, OB-EWAN breaks off and pulls up alongside MANAKIN. CLONE POOL HALL SQUAD SEVEN joins the fight with the TINKER FIGHTERS

CUE BALL: There are too many of them.

FOUR BALL: Two droids, corner pocket.

FOUR BALL'S fighter rolls into position behind two MULCHER FIGHTERS and zaps them. They explode in a hail of fiery shrapnel...meanwhile four more loop in behind FOUR BALL'S CLONE FIGHTER

FOUR BALL: They're all over me, get them off my...

The MULCHER FIGHTERS get into position behind FOUR BALL and start using their MULCHER BLADES to shred his fighter. Pieces fly off in a stream behind the MULCHERS

FOUR BALL: I'm poppin the top, Colonel!!

FOUR BALL'S escape pod rockets away from the FIGHTER, just before the MULCHER FIGHTERS chew into the engines, which DETONATE, taking out the MULCHERS and a TRICYCLE FIGHTER

MANAKIN: I'm going to help them!

OB-EWAN: No! They are doing their jobs, so we can do ours. Now, let's go.

Another CLONE FIGHTER is hit and bursts into flames. A MULCHER FIGHTER raises its head to find a worthy target and locks on MANAKIN and OB-EWAN's FIGHTERS, firing MISSILES at them

MANAKIN: Missiles! Pull up!

MANAKIN and OB-EWAN break right and left, and the missiles follow them. The Missiles chase them for a while, as they try to dodge them.

OB-EWAN: Okay, Manakin, it's time to eject our spare parts cannisters.

MANAKIN: But we do that every mission...

OB-EWAN: It works, doesn't it? Okay, AM-NOT, eject the spare parts cannisters.

MANAKIN: Artoo, eject the ******* cannisters!

ARTOO: Whatever you say, boss.

The two fighters eject their spare parts cannisters, which the missiles collide with and explode

OB-EWAN: They overshot us . . .

MANAKIN: What?! They exploded!

OB-EWAN: Sorry. That was the next line in the script. AM-NOT, can you find me some good tunes on the radio?

Beehtoven's Fifth blares over the speakers

OB-EWAN: All right, AM-NOT. No, no. Nothing too fancy.

MANAKIN grins. He loves classical music

MANAKIN: More missiles coming in at 05. I can handle these.

ANAKIN spins his starfighter. The missiles spin and collide

MANAKIN: We got 'em. Artoo!

Two more missiles are tracking track Ob-Ewan.

OBI-WAN: Flying is for droids.

ORVILLE AND WILBUR WRIGHT, FIVE BIRDS AND A BUNCH OF FLYING INSECTS: It is?

Suddenly, OBI-WAN shudders, and his ship starts to plummet toward the surface of the Trade Federation Cruiser. The trailing missiles fly into what looks like debris, and detonate. Five silver eggs fly out of the debris and attach themselves to the ship. The eggs hatch, revealing SMALL BUZZARDS that begin to crawl across the surface like Spider-Man.

OB-EWAN: I'm hit! Manakin?

MANAKIN: I see them . . . Buzzards.

The BUZZARDS crawl across Obi-Wan's ship in a circle and start to tear it apart. SPARKS ERUPT where the BUZZARDS break into the wiring. One of the BUZZARDS goes after AMNOT.

OB-EWAN: Amnot, be careful. You have one . . .

AMNOT's head gets ripped off and flies away.

OB-EWAN: Oh dear. And I'd just installed a bar fridge, too. They're shutting down all the controls.

MANAKIN: You think? Move to the right so I can get a clear shot at them.

OB-EWAN: The mission. Get to the Command Ship. Get the Cameo! I'm running out of tricks here.

MANAKIN: Tricks? You were using tricks?

OB-EWAN: Shut up and get on with it.

MANAKIN moves into position just off OB-EWAN's left side and angles his ship so his guns are pointing at the DROIDS crawling over OB-EWAN?s Starfighter.

OB-EWAN: Be careful. I'm still paying this thing off!

MANAKIN fires and vaporizes the TWO BUZZDARDS, along with the left wing of Obi-Wan's ship.

OB-EWAN: (continuing) #@*$%!!!!

MANAKIN: Steady . . . steady . . . there are children watching...

OB-EWAN: Manakin, hold your fire . . . hold your fire. You're not helping here.

MANAKIN: I agree, bad idea. Swing right . . . ease over . . . steady . . .

OB-EWAN: Don't even think of trying that again.

MANAKIN: But Master, it-

OB-EWAN: You're grounded.

MANAKIN: What?

OB-EWAN: And the damage is coming out of your allowance.

MANAKIN: WHAT!?

OB-EWAN: Wait . . . wait . . . I can't see a thing! My cockpit's fogging. They're all over me, Anakin.

MANAKIN grins, lining up OB-EWAN's cockpit in his crosshairs.

MANAKIN: Move to the right.

OB-EWAN: Hold on, Manakin. You're going to get us both killed! Get out of here. There's nothing more you can do.

MANAKIN: I'm not leaving without you, Master.

MANAKIN moves his ship next to OB-EWAN's and tries to physically knock the BUZZARDS off. There are five left. He manages to get one off, but badly dents OB-EWAN's ship in the process. One of the BUZZARDS tears apiece off of the front of OB-EWAN's ship. Flames burst out, and more smoke billows out, obscuring the Jedi's view.

OB-EWAN: I know I said I wanted a nice barbecue this weekend, but not here!

MANAKIN knocks off three of the BUZZARDS and the fourth crawls out onto MANAKIN's ship and starts attacking ARTOO. ARTOO fights the BUZZARD.

ARTOO: Die rebel scum!

OBI-EWAN: Blast it ... I can't see . . . my controls are gone.

MANAKIN doesn't hear. He is sitting back in his cockpit, beer in one hand and popcorn in the other, using the hands free phone kit to make a call to his booky to put money down on the outcome of the fight between ARTOO and the BUZZARD.

MANAKIN: Get 'em, Artoo. Watch out!

OB-EWAN: Artoo, hit the buzz droid's center eye.

ARTOO extends an arm and aims a stream of electricity at the swerving BUZZARD. The BUZZARD is hit squarely in the eye and falls off the ship.

MANAKIN: Yeah, you got him!

OB-EWAN: Great, Artoo. A bit cliche, but great.

MANAKIN: Stay on my wing . . . the General's Command Ship is at 12 o'clock.

OB-EWAN: What o'clock?

MANAKIN: 12 o'clock.

OB-EWAN: What's at 12 o'clock?

MANAKIN: The General's Command Ship.

OB-EWAN: What?

MANAKIN: (annoyed) Straight ahead.

OB-EWAN: That's better. Now say the line properly.

MANAKIN: (sighs) Stay on my wing . . . the General's Command Ship is dead ahead. Easy . . . pull up ... Head for the hangar.

OB-EWAN: Have you noticed the shields are still up?

MANAKIN: Oh?!? Sorry, Master.

OB-EWAN: (to himself) Why me?

MANAKIN streaks ahead of OB-EWAN's disintegrating Jedi Fighter and blasts the shield generator. It SPARKS and EXPLODES.

OB-EWAN: Oh, I have a bad feeling about this.

Whack

A jedi starship blows up! Ob-Ewan is panicking

 

OB-EWAN: Anakin! Are you okay! Anakin? Speak to me!

MANAKIN: Yea! I'm fine! That was somebody else.

OB-EWAN: O Manakin, thank goodness you're back. There were whispers...that you've been killed. I've been living with unbearable dread.

MANAKIN: Look out for the lasers!

They barely avoid in coming fire from a huge battleship. George Lucas is cackling evilly behind the controls.

GEORGE LUCAS: AND THAT'S FOR MOCKING ME!!!!

Ahead is a TRADE FEDERATION CRUISER with batlike DROID VULTURE FIGHTERS stalking around on the hull. The VULTURE FIGHTERS transform into flight configuration, lift off the CRUISER, and attack the JEDI STARFIGHTERS.

MANAKIN: Come on, Master.

OB-EWAN: Not this time. There's too much at stake. We need help. Odd Ball, do you copy?

ODD BALL: (OS) Copy, Red Leader.

OB-EWAN: Mark my position and form your squad up behind me . . .

SC 08 INT. ODD BALL'S FIGHTER COCKPIT-SPACE

ODD BALL: We're on your tail, General Kenobi. Set S-foils in attack position.

OB-EWAN: Good. how about dip stick? Do YOU copy?

DIP STICK: Copy, Red Leader.

OB-EWAN: Cover us. We're going on. Moron! Do you copy?

No answer.

OB-EWAN: MORON!!! ...HEY! ANAKIN! I'm talking to you!

MANAKIN: Master!!!!



SC 09 INT. MAIN HANGAR-TRADE FEDERATION CRUISER

The shield door drops away, and OB-EWAN crashes on the deck of the hangar bay, engulfed in a FANTAIL OF SPARKS. A set of blast doors starts SLAMMING shut across the hangar opening, as material is sucked into space.

MANAKIN maneuvers around the oncoming junk and flies into the hangar just as the blast doors SLAM shut.
OB-EWAN ignites his light saber and cuts his way out of the cockpit. He jumps dear just as his ship EXPLODES. BATTLE DROIDS rush at him from all directions.

MANAKIN jumps out of his ship and cuts his way through the BATTLE DROIDS to where OB-EWAN is fighting. ARTOO pops out of the ship and follows MANAKIN.

OB-EWAN: Artoo, locate the Cameo.

MANAKIN: Tap into the ship's computers.

They cut down the last of the droids and follow ARTOO over to a computer wall socket. The two JEDI fight off FOUR MORE DROIDS as ARTOO tries to find the Chancellor. Finally, a HOLOGRAM of the Trade Federation ship appears.

OB-EWAN: The Cameo's signal is coming from right there. The observation platform at the top of that spire.

MANAKIN: I sense Count Doodu . . .

OB-EWAN: I sense a trap.

MANAKIN: Next move?

OB-EWAN: Spring the trap.

MANAKIN: (annoyed) Well...duh. Yeah. Spring the trap. Sweet. Okay let's go.

SC 10 INT. WIDE HALLWAY-TRADE FEDERATION CRUISER

MANAKIN: ARTOO, I need you to stay with the ship. (tosses comm link to Artoo, who catches it.

SC 11 INT. BRIDGE-TRADER CONVENTION CRUIZER

GENERALLY GRIEVOUSLY enters the bridge of the TRADER CONVENTION CRUIZER. He stands in front of the NEMATODIAN CAPTAIN, a Kaleesh Kabana smoking in his hand.
.
GG: *cough* What's the situation, Captain? *Wheeze cough*

NEMATODIAN CAPTAIN: You might have emphysema, General. You should lay off the cigars.

GG: You fool! *cough* Emphysema or not, I can't "kick" the habit. [kicks CAPTAIN in the knees, brings his head an inch from CAPTAIN's face, hacks up smoke, blows the smoke into CAPTAIN's face]

NEMATODIAN CAPTAIN: *cough* TWO Jedi are dancing in the main hangar bay. If you look at my monitor, only pain you'll find there.

GG: Hard to watch. *wheeze*

CAPTAIN: And hard NOT to watch! Noooooooooo...

GG: Tell me it isn't...

CAPTAIN: The Jedi macarena! [takes cigar from GG] *cough*

GG: *cough* Just as Count Doodu predicted. *loud hiccup*


SC 12 INT. WIDE HALLWAY-TRADE FEDERATION CRUISER


The two JEDI wait for an elevator to arrive, shouting in unison "HEEEEEY MACARENA" and concluding their bizarre dance ritual. OB-EWAN impatiently keeps pressing the buttons.

OB-EWAN: (in homer simpson voice) Lousy rotten no good elevator! Oh!!!

They turn around and see they are face to face with THREE DESTROYER DROIDS.

MANAKIN: Hey do you know if the elevators working.

The DROIDS start blasting away. Manakin deflects the bolts. OB-EWAN frantically pushes the elevator button several more times.

MANAKIN: Destroyers!!

OB-EWAN: Yes Manakin, don't bother with them they're trying to blast down the doors, see?

Finally the door opens, and they rush inside under a hail of laser bolts. The elevator door slides shut. The JEDI turn to see BATTLE DROIDS standing behind them.

BATTLE DROID: Drop your weapons! I said drop 'em.

The JEDI activate their brightsabers and destroy all the BATTLE DROIDS.

SC 13 INT. WIDE HALLWAY-TRADE FEDERATION CRUISER

ARTOO notices two SUPER TINKER DRONES heading his way. He hides behind a JEDI STARFIGHTER.

 

SC 14 INT-ELEVATOR-TRADING CONVENTION CRUIZER

OB-EWAN: You're nervous. Relax. You haven't been this nervous well since we fell into that pile of pudu.

MANAKIN: You fell into that nightmare, Master and I rescued you. It took eight months and hundreds of showers to get that smell off you, remember?

Suddenly the elevator stops.

The BACK elevator door opens. A MAINTENANCE MAN pushes in a big FLOOR BUFFER, and presses the button for Ground floor.

MAINTENANCE MAN: I'm sorry, but this elevator is going to the ground floor before it will take you guys up. Priority, you know.

MANAKIN slices through the ceiling in a circle, force pushes the cut section of ceiling up and out, and OB-EWAN and MANAKIN shoot upward.

MAINTENANCE MAN (sings): Loneliness is such sad affair.......

 

SC 15 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT- TRADING CONVENTION CRUIZER

Manaki and Ob-Ewan struggle to hang on to the window ledge of the elevator shaft. The door to the elevator shaft is pried open, and two TINKER DRONES appear in the doorway and look down at the TWO JEDI. They point their guns at them.

DROID ONE: Hands up.

OB-EWAN: All things considered, that probably wouldn't be such a good idea right now. Artoo, we need you to make that elevator go up. We need a ride! Artoo!

SC 16 INT. MAIN HANGAR- TRADING CONVENTION CRUIZER

Artoo stops cowering and decides that he wants an opportunity finally to do something else heroic in this saga, so he races to the controls and
makes the elevators go up.

SC 17 INT. ELEVATOR CAR

MAINTENANCE MAN: (continuing to sing):....There are times when you will find I have almost lost my mind-whadda-I'm supposed to be going down, not up!

He tries pressing then G button again and again but to no avail. He pulls EMERGENCY STOP but Artoo overrides it. The MAINTENANCE MAN tries Open Door but it does mot work..He sings:

MAINTENANCE MAN: God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy........

SC 18 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT- TRADING CONVENTION CRUIZER

When the elevator comes up MANAKIN AND OB-EWAN hop on as the elevator car impales the two TINKER DRONES to the shaft wall. The TWO JEDI quickly drop back through the hole in the ceiling.

MAINTENANCE MAN: Are you two responsible for this travesty? I have important work to do. This place would fall apart without me.

OB-EWAN: We have to rescue the Cameo of the Republic, Sir. We have more important work to do. Our work trumps yours. You must understand this. And I've read the script and after we rescue the Cameo, soon there won't be much of a ship left for you to clean.

SC 19 INT. MAIN HANGAR-TRADING CONVENTON CRUIZER

THE TWO SUPER DOOPER TINKER DRONES see Artoo and walk towards him. When they get close enough to him, Artoo suddenly sprays them with a a few coatings of oil, and then uses his flamethrower to light them on fire, shouting with glee. Then when their charred metal bodies fall to the floor, he spits on them and roasts a marshmallow kebob over the fire of their burning alive bodies.

ARTOO: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

SC 20 INT. GENERAL'S QUARTER'S-TRADE FEDERATION CRUISER

The elevator door opens and the TWO JEDI carefully make their way into the main room of the General's Quarters.
At the far end sits SUPREME CAMEO PALPITATINE. MANAKIN and OB-EWAN move toward the CAMEO.
As they get closer to PALPITATINE, they see a very distressed look on the CAMEO's face.

OB-EWAN: (bows) Cameo.

MANAKIN: Are you all right?

PALPITATINE: Oh, I'm just dandy. There's nothing more fun that being held hostage against your will, threatened with impending death and the destruction of your Empire.(PAUSE) Did I say Empire? I meant Republic, of course. Oh hey, is that Count Doodu?

PALPITATINE makes a small gesture with his hand. OB-EWAN and MANAKIN turn around. The elevator DOORS CAN BE HEARD OPENING AND CLOSING as COUNT DOODU strides into the room. He is above the Jedi, standing on a balcony, with two SUPER BATTLE DROIDS. The Jedi turn to see him. He looks down on the Jedi.

OB-EWAN: (quietly to Manakin) This time we will do it together.

MANAKIN: Oh? I was kinda hoping you'd face him alone. He owned me in Attack of The Clones.

COUNT DOODU jumps down to the main level and falls on his face.

DOODU: Ooohhh THAT'S going to leave a bruise.

PALPITATINE: Get help! You're no match for him. He's a Sith Lord.

OB-EWAN: Cameo Palpitatine, Sith Lords are our specialty. Would you like him sliced, or diced? And I can get you some fries with that.

OB-EWAN and MANAKIN throw off their cloaks and ignite their brightsabres.

COUNT DOODU: Your swords, please, Master Jedi. We don't want to make a mess of things in front of the Cameo.

OB-EWAN and MANAKIN move toward DOODU.

OB-EWAN: You won't get away this time, Doodu.

DOODU (chuckling quietly): You do not seriously think that a Hobbit could contend with the will of Sauron? There are none who can. Against the power of Mordor, there can be no victory. We must join with him, Gandalf. We must join with Sauron.
It would be wise, my friend.

OB-EWAN and MANAKIN exchange a startled glance for a moment, then shrug slightly and charge COUNT DOODU. A great sword fight full of flashy moves and counter-moves ensues.

COUNT DOODU: I gave you the chance of aiding me willingly, but you have elected a way of pain! I've been looking forward to this.

MANAKIN: My powers have doubled since the last time we met, Count.

COUNT DOODU: Wasn't that two weeks ago?

MANAKIN: This movie was made in 2005. Clone Wars started in 2008. That makes a bit of a difference.

COUNT DOODU: Good. Twice the pride, double your pleasure.

MANAKIN and OB-EWAN exchange a glance. DOODU blinks in surprise.

MANAKIN: Your Doublemint joke needs a little work.

COUNT DOODU: Uh, howabout twice the price, double the flavour....?

OB-EWAN: Uh-huh.

COUNT DOODU: Look I'm evil, right? I'll say whatever I damn well please! I could shout "Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers!" as a battle-cry if I felt like it and there's nothing you could do about it.

MANAKIN: "Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers"? That doesn't sound very evil.

COUNT DOODU: Have you ever changed a messy diaper?

MANAKIN and OB-EWAN consider this for a moment. In the background PALPITATINE grimaces.

OB-EWAN: He's got a point, Manakin.

DOODU lunges at the JEDI and they fall back . . .

COUNT DOODU: (continuing) Your moves are clumsy, McNobi . . . too predictable. You'll have to do better.

OB-EWAN: DO you talk all your opponents to death?

As the battle proceeds, OB-EWAN and COUNT DOODU are growing tired. MANAKIN is stronger as he becomes angry. MANAKIN continues to drive the attack on DOODU. COUNT DOODU throws OB-EWAN back using the Force.
MANAKIN and COUNT DOODU move up the stairs. As they reach the upper landing of the General's Quarters, MANAKIN leaps over COUNT DOODU. OB-EWAN reaches the top of the stairs, destroying TWO SUPER BATTLE DROIDS. COUNT DOODU holds OB-EWAN in the air using the Force as he turns and kicks MANAKIN out of frame. OB-EWAN is choking.
MANAKIN hits the archway.
DOODU sends OB-EWAN flying. The JEDI punches through three partitions then thuds against a huge post. Then using the Force Doodu brings a balcony down on the unconscious JEDI. MANAKIN continues to fight Doodu. Their fighting is fast and frenzied.

DOODU: You have anger. You have fear. But you don't use them.

MANAKIN: OK, if you insist.

MANAKIN lunges wildly at DOODU and their fight is even more fast and frenzied than before. Then Manakin slices off his hands and grabs DOODU's red brightsabre, crossing both blades at DOODU's neck.
MANAKIN: P'WNED!

PALPITATINE: Good, good. Kill him. Kill him now!

MANAKIN: But its not the Jedi way..he's unarmed. (Sniggers) teehee UNARMED!

PALPITATINE: Dew it!

BUTT-HEAD: DEW IT!
DEW IT! DEW IT!

MANAKIN: (Grins) ok, if you insist (ends Doodu's life) (Releases CAMEO)(Goes to feel OB-EWAN'S pulse.)

PALPITATINE:


MANAKIN: (Grins) ok, if you insist (ends Doodu's life) (Releases CAMEO)(Goes to feel OB-EWAN'S pulse.)

PALPITATINE:

 

the rest of this scene including a lot I just wrote was truncated. Anyone may finish this scene on the other thread, linked in first post of this thread, where you can contribute.

 

[I tried Editing this into the last post, but it wouldn't let me without erasing most of the last post. My apologies.-BLSKV]

There's no time. Leave him or we'll never make it.

MANAKIN: You're probably right, but he needs to be in the rest of the movie-George says so.

PALPITATINE: (Rolls eyes) Fine. Strap him to your backside and let's go.


SC 21 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT, VERTICAL-TRADE FEDERATION CRUISER

MANAKIN, OB-EWAN, and PALPITATINE hang precariously on the side of the bottomless elevator shaft. OB-EWAN regains consciousness and tries to look around.

MANAKIN: Easy. . . . We're in a bit of a situation.

OB-EWAN: Oh really? I hardly noticed. So.... did I miss anything?

OB-EWAN looks down and sees PALPITATINE and the bottomless pit. They hear ARTOO BEEPING on Ob-Ewan's comlink. The ship begins to roll, causing the vertical shaft to move into a forty-five-degree angle. They hear the distant sounds of a muzak version of 'The Girl from Ipanema' floating down towards them.

MANAKIN: Hold on.

OB-EWAN: Wait. Do you hear that? What is that?

MANAKIN frowns but doesn't answer.

PALPITATINE: It's muzak. The pipe that nonsense endlessly throughout the Senate Chambers when there isn't a meeting. It's terribly annoying.

OB-EWAN and MANAKIN look up to watch the elevator approach them at high speed, then OB-EWAN turns to MANAKIN.

OB-EWAN: (continuing) Oops.

MANAKIN: Artoo, Artoo, shut down the elevator!

PALPITATINE grabs MANAKIN's comlink.

PALPITATINE: And get that infernal racket shut off.

OB-EWAN: Too late! Jump!

They fall about three hundred feet before the tilt of the ship catches up with them, and they hit the side of the shaft and slide at great speed just ahead of the elevator. The shaft continues to rotate until it is completely horizontal.

MANAKIN and OB-EWAN take out and throw grappling hooks. The hooks catch and they continue to fall. All the doors in the elevator shaft open up, and the group swings through the open door into a hallway. The elevator roars by.

SC 22 INT. ELEVATOR LOBBY-TRADE FEDERATION CRUISER

MANAKIN, OB-EWAN, and PALPITATINE fly through the elevator door and land. MANAKIN and OB-EWAN land in a crumpled heap, but PALPITATINE lands on his feet gracefully without so much as a single hair out of place. The DARK SIDE may be evil, but it knows how to look good.

OB-EWAN: Let's see if we can find something in the hangar bay that's still flyable. Or crashable. Just so long as it gets us out of here. Come on.

MANAKIN: Artoo, get down here. Artoo, do you copy?

SC 23 INT. MAIN HANGAR-TRADE FEDERATION CRUISER

As the Federation Cruiser continues to rotate, ARTOO SQUEALS and pokes a periscope out of a pile of broken BATTLE DROID PARTS. He looks around then rockets up out of the debris. We don't get to see where he goes, or how he manages to perform this task because the scene will suddenly and inexplicably change. Get used to this happening.

SC 24 NT. BRIDGE-TRADER CONVENTION CRUIZER

CHEF GUARD: General, we found the dancing Jedi...they're doing the electric slide in hallway 328

GG: NOOOOO! *cough hack* Send in Hay Krarles! I'll show those dancing fools!

SC 25 INT. HALLWAY-TRADER CONVENTION CRUIZER

They run down the hallway. Suddenly, ray shields drop around them, putting them in an electronic box in the middle of the hallway.

MANAKIN: Ray shields!

The Jedi look at each other in disbelief.

OB-EWAN takes a deep breath.

OB-EWAN: Wait a minute, how'd this happen! I'm smarter than this.

MANAKIN: We're.

OB-EWAN: What?

MANAKIN: *We're* smarter than this. You alone? Don't think so.

OB-EWAN: Given the situation, I'll humor you: *we're* smarter than this.

MANAKIN: Apparently not, Master. This is the oldest trap in the book . . . Well ... I was distracted. What's your excuse?

OB-EWAN: Oh, so all of a sudden it's my fault. Distracted? That's your excuse?

MANAKIN: You're the *Master*. I'm just a beautiful hero.

OB-EWAN: I'm open to suggestions here.

MANAKIN: (muttering) Yeah right.

OB-EWAN: How'd this happen! How'd this happen! How'd this happen! (slaps himself silly)

MANAKIN: Seeing as my powers have double dare triple lundy quadruplified, I say we should-

PALPATATINE: Why don't we let them take us to General Greedy. Perhaps with Count Doodu's demise, we can get Greedy to go bye-bye.

The Jedi look at each other in disbelief.

MANAKIN: I say . . . patience.

OB-EWAN: Patience! That's your plan, is it?

MANAKIN: I know that's usually your tired old line, but I'm feeling dull today.

PALPATATINE: Noooooo, don't you get dull on me boy! I'm counting on you! FEEL your ANGER! (bites his lip)

OB-EWAN: Back to your brilliant plan...

MANAKIN: Yes, Artoo will be along in a few moments and he'll release the ray shields . . .

ARTOO comes skidding across the hallway and bashes into the opposite wall. He takes a moment to compose himself.

MANAKIN: (continuing) See! No problem. Who da man? Who da man? (does a dance)

OB-EWAN: (sigh) Always on the groove.

Suddenly several doorways open, revealing TWO DESTROYER DROIDS. SIXTEEN SUPER DUPER BATTLE DROIDS emerge from behind the DESTROYER DROIDS.

ARTOO turns and zaps one of the SUPER DUPER BATTLE DROIDS who then kicks ARTOO over.

SUPER DUPER BATTLE DROID: Don't move, dummy. Ouch! Zap this.

OB-EWAN: Do you have a plan B?

 

[Here we go with my second daily update.....]

SC 26 EXT. BRIDGE- TRADER CONVENTION CRUIZER

OB-EWAN McNOBI, MANAKIN, CAMEO PALP and ARTOO are captured by GENERAL GRIEVOUSLY. They stand before the ALIEN DROID GENERAL.

GG: OH YES! General McNobi, the Negotiator. As if I haven't fought you a hundred times before. (Rolls eyes) Thanks, George, that was real foresight. *hack* We've been waiting for you. [coughing fit ensues]. You call that a RESCUE! How lame! *cough*

A RATTLE DROID walks to GENERAL GRIEVOUSLY and hands him the two JEDI's brightsabers.

OB-EWAN: That depends on your point of view...you twisted FREAK! Hah!

GG: And Manakin Streetwalker...I was expecting someone with your reputation to be a little older.

MANAKIN: General Grievously...Man, your breath stinks!

GG: You Jedi scum!

OB-EWAN: (nudges MANAKIN in the ribs) Manakin...stick to your lines. We have a job to do.

MANAKIN: Sorry, Master. General Grievously, Supreme Creampuff of the droid armies. Your cough is worse then I expected.

GG: Thank you for your concern, scum! *hack wheeze* Your brightsabres will make a fine addition to my Franklin Mint collection!

OB-EWAN: Not this time...I need them for my collection.

MANAKIN: Artoo.

ARTOO creates a distraction by extending his arms, squirting ketchup and mustard in every direction. OB-EWAN snatches his brightsaber from the general's hand by using the farce and cutting his bonds. He spins around and cuts MANAKIN free.

GG: Crush them! Make them eat pastries! [goes into another coughing fit]

The DROIDS surround them, wearing pastry chef hats, trays full of pastries in front of them. OB-EWAN and MANAKIN knock the trays out of their hands, pastries flying everywhere. The bridge degenerates into a food fight. OB-EWAN and MANAKIN start flinging eclairs and danishes at GENERAL GRIEVOUSLY's MASTER CHEF GUARDS.

GG: Stay and watch the Food Network! *wheeze*

OB-EWAN throws a danish at a CHEF GUARD. The MASTER CHEF GUARD slips on the ketchup and mustard all over the bridge deck and falls on it's metal butt. OB-EWAN gets whacked a couple of times with some stale donuts.

OB-EWAN: Where's Homer Simpson when you need him!

HOMER SIMPSON: Doh! Mmmmm...donuts!

GENERAL GRIEVOUS and OB-EWAN MCNOBI stare each other in the face, those eyes piercing into each other, each daring the other to back down. OB-EWAN gives a heroic effort but soon he gives into pressure and blinks!

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: HA! Tee hee! You lose General MCNOBI.

OB-EWAN: Well you don?t have to rub it in my face. And at any rate we've chopped to bits your stupid chefs. No more food poisoning republic officials for them.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: No avoiding the subject loser. You blinking sissy.

OB-EWAN: Pardones moi? At least I have a decent name! Grievous? How long did it take you to think THAT up.

GENERAL GREEDY: ITS GREEDY you knucklehead. GREEDY! Why doesn?t anybody listen to me? I am GREEDY!

OB-EWAN: Do you know what time it is Manie-kin?

GENERAL GREEDY: Oh that's funny. VERY funny. Ha ha. When Count Doodu arrives we're going to wipe the floor with you.

OB-EWAN: You're too late. Doodoo is flushed!

GENERAL GREEDY: You've been waiting all day to say that haven't you? Well no matter. I'll whup you both. I'll slap you silly. I'll beat you. I'll make you sniffle. I'm the best. I'm the baddest. I am. Unstoppable.

OB-EWAN: We will defeat you.

MANNIE-KIN: Yes. We will. We have to power of teamwork!

GENERAL GREEDY: No, you silly fools. I cannot be beaten and do you know why?

They shake their heads.

GENERAL GREEDY: Come closer and I will tell you. Come on, come on.

They come closer to the general and listen as he whispers to them while looking out of the corner of his eyes at the half chopped up droids still standing in the corners as if he suspected them of trying to listen in:

GENERAL GREEDY: I am digital.

OBI-EWAN: What?

GENERAL GREEDY: I am not real

MANNIE-KIN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Its impossible!

GENERAL GREEDY: Don't you feel dumb now silly jedi?

GENERAL GREEDY breaks out into a dance. The jedi look foolish.

OB-EWAN: He looked so real.

GENERAL GREEDY dances about until he crashes out a window. The swearing, annoyed Alien Droid General clutches for dear life to a side of the space ship and crawls to a pod.

GENERAL GREEDY: Time to abandon ship. To the spa! Ha! Ha! Ha!


He flies off into the night.

GENERAL GRIEVOUSLY-

GENERAL GREEDY: GREEDY!

Oops, heh, GENERAL GREEDY pulls a row of switches, and one by one the escape pods are jettisoned. GREEDY enters one.

SC 27 INT-ESCAPE POD-SPACE

GREEDY: Now for my massage!

He lies face down on a table and presses a button. A MASSEUSE DROID goes to work.

DROID: Would you like a mud bath, Mr. Greedy?

GREEDY: Are you nuts?! The mud would clog up my gears!


SC 28 INT. BRIDGE-TRADER CONVENTION CRUIZER

OB-EWAN and MANAKIN go over to the navigator's chair

OB-EWAN: All the escape pods have been jettisoned! Greedy! Can you fly this thing?

MANAKIN: Can I! I can fly anything with wings, jets, helicopter blades or repulsorlift! Just watch me, Master!

PALPITATINE: Soon, you will call me Master, my young apprentice!

OB-EWAN: What?

PALPITATINE: No one in the room, don't worry. I was thinking of someone else named Manakin.

MANAKIN: Oh.

OB-EWAN: We're falling out of orbit! We lost heat shields!

MANAKIN: Well at least we're still flying a whole ship.

Just then half the ship breaks off.

MANAKIN: Or at least half a ship.

The ship breaks into two once more.

MANAKIN: I mean a fourth.

The ship breaks in half again.

MANAKIN: I'm going to shut up now.

The ship descends into the atmosphere, afire.

OB-EWAN: Extend all drag fins and what's left of the landing gear...

MANAKIN: I see fire ships. Left and right.

The ship (or what is left of it) crash lands on a runway.

INT. BRIDGE-TRADER CONVENTION CRUIZER

Airbags inflate as OB-EWAN, MANAKIN and the CAMEO jerk forward.

MANAKIN: Another happy landing.

Whack

OB-EWAN: Give me your license, boy

MANAKIN: What? No! Why?

OB-EWAN: You just crashed half a bleeping ship that is six miles long in the middle of Coruscant. No more drinking for you, my intoxicated paddleone.

MANAKIN: No! Not my license! Please. Anything but that.

PALPITATINE: I think the jedi dont trust you maniquine. They don't see what a great driver you really are.

MANAKIN: I'll show them. I'm going to be the greatest driver ever. And ITS MANAKIN!